Late-night Messenger notifications are making me feel uneasy

[Tattooedteacher0621]

Hubby has had messenger messages at 2am for the last 2 nights. I can’t see the messages, just the lock screen. He is a night owl tbf to him, and I haven’t snooped initially - 1st time his phone was by the air con which id got up to switch off, and the screen flashed. Tonight he’s up with reflux, and interest did get the better of me and I did tap the screen. I have absolutely no reason to distrust him, but it’s kinda nagging away at me.
Literally no point to this message except to rant.

Maybe just ask him, in a jovial way- 'who on earth is up to message you at 2am' and explain how you saw it flash up. Judge by his answer and go from there.

Does he have good friends or family overseas that could explain it? Maybe if he’s up he’s just sending messages to people he knows will also be up. Like the pp I’d ask who was messaging at that hour. With my own partner I’d be able to tell from his reply if anything was off.

Just ask him.

I would ask my husband about this and he wouldn't take offense (and the same vice versa).

It's OK to want to know.

Why don’t you just ask? I often get people messaging me at weird times due to shift work or whatever.

Agree with just asking him, I get notifications sometimes and it’s something like kitchen fittings is now following you on messenger, or it’s a notification from a gaming account app the kids use on my phone. Could all be totally innocent

Has he got his notifications set to hide the name of the sender as well as the message itself? I'd wonder what he's hiding if that's the case.

I agree with asking him but having notifications hidden on the lock screen isn't suspicious in itself, it's recommended for security.

Ask him.

I have it set up that way as you’re supposed to for security reasons. It means if someone steals your phone they can’t get verification texts sent to it without being able to unlock it first.

What on earth is suspicious about that? It's just sensible surely

I have messages at 2am.

usually from night owl friends.

don’t see why the time makes it suspicious

Because it's MN and a man, that's why lol.

Uhh it is suspicious. Messages at 2am are unusual for most people.

aak him who has the audacity to bother him at that hour of the night

Friends who live on the other side of the world? Or should they stay up until 2am their time to contact you? If you don't want to be bothered there are a plethora of tools to use on your phone to prevent being bothered.

It’s not my DH or me being contacted in the dead of night. My Australia relatives email me knowing that I can respond at my convenience. Messenger is a little more “instant”

Exactly - mine is this way too. I’m not hiding a passionate affair (unfortunately 😂).

DH had to mute some of his group chats. He has one friend in particular who doesn't seem to keep regular hours and kept sending messages in the middle of the night.
It annoyed me so I told him to silence his phone but he didn't want to in case his elderly relatives needed help, so he put a do not disturb mode on and excepted his relatives.

I find that there is almost no correlation between the time a message lands on FB Messenger and when you get a phone notification, it can be hours afterwards. So I wouldn't necessarily assume anyone is messaging him at 2am.

I didn't say 'you' specifically - you seem to think it's rude to message at that time of day, I am suggesting why others might be and the myriad of ways to avoid being disturbed if it bothers you. Although this is not the point of the thead. I also think she should just asked if she's concerned. Sitting on the information isn't helping.

I haven’t asked and I’m not going to yet. There are no ‘other side of the world’ relatives, nor does he play Facebook games. It could be entirely innocent - as many PPs say, it could be his night owl friends but I don’t know, I guess because of the time it made me suss (which is probably completely unfounded!)

In terms of not being able to see who is messaging, I have no issue with this because my phone is the same and I also don’t know how this happened to my messenger - I have a new phone and it was automatically like this.

As I said, I don’t know what the purpose of my rant was other than just to rant. I’m gonna see if this happens again tonight xx

Oh gosh yes it must be those friends and relatives in Australia that op got amnesia and forgot all about. 🤦‍♀️🙄

My post was in response to a specific poster, not the OP, which is abundantly clear if you read the thread properly. Who, as it happens, DOES have relatives in Australia! Egg meet face.

Isn't that pretty standard overnight settings for most people?
It's not a conversation I've had in real life but DND with overrides is the obvious set up id have thought