Need some advise.
My Husband and I have been married for 17 years, together 19. Unfortunately not all of those have been happy years, there have been some major issues which started probably when my Son was very young- he is 15 next week.
Things when my Son was very young were like he would say he was working late but be down the pub, spent all weekend 'decorating' his friends house instead of being home with us and this when on for a year but other than that we were mostly doing alright so I persevered.
We have not had the easiest of times over the years, I have struggled a lot with my health and been in and out of hospital and we have had ours and others share of bad luck over the years so we have had very difficult times.
Then over the past 6 years or so things have just gone down hill, now things have got to a point where I cant just keep going as is, I am not happy and deep down neither is he.
He rolls his eyes at me, huffs is I ask him to do something, we haven't had any type of physical relationship for 5 years now. He never really says I am beautiful or calls me sweet names, he walks around the house in what 'seems' like a grump all the time and speaks to me like I am 'less than sometimes and is dictative at times especially when it comes to money- which we never seem to have.
He makes me feel like I am burden a lot of the time and I have tried so many times over the years to communicate how unhappy I have been and what needs to change but he doesn't seem to be able to consistently change, maybe a week or two but then reverts back to normal. I have stayed for years while the kids were younger but was not happy.
I sat him down just over a month ago and explained how series things were and that if things do not change then it will be over between us, the only things that changed were he went veggie at home (I am vegan and his meat eating has always been an issue) and he started holding my hand when we watched T.V.
I realized I was still unhappy so spoke to him again and said I need space for a bit and he left that night to go and stay in a hotel, he is now staying at his Mum's house till further notice.
My Daughter was fine about this because she sees all the conflict and all the tears I have cried when he has spoken to me in a rude way. She is only 10 but she is so insightful and has said that 'Daddy will not change and he makes you sad, you have tried so many times, it wont work out'
My Son although older was very upset that evening cause my Husband wanted to leave straight away so we had to talk to the kids quickly then he just left and so I was hugging my Son whilst he cried for over half an hour but now he seems good, he is even looking at properties online in case we have to move.
He said he still loves me and still wants to try but doesn't know if that's going to be enough anymore.
I honestly do not know if I have it in me to keep trying if I am honest, I feel emotionally burnout. I love him, that will always be the case- he is the Father of my children and we have been together so long but I do not feel 'IN love' with him anymore.
I have been back and forward and then back again with whether I want to give us one last try, my Friends keep saying that he wont be able to change consistently and we will just end up back here or I will be unhappy for the rest of my life.
I am worried that if I do give it another try that it wont work out and we will be back here again and it will just start the pain all over again for all of us.
I do wonder if we would be happier and actually better parents if we were not together and if the kids would actually do better seeing that we are both happier even if that is separately.
The kids and I have been doing fine on our own and actually seem happier, my Mum said that she thought we all seemed a bit 'lighter' the other day.
I really don't know what to do, can anyone offer advise or has anyone been where I am now?