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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship - is this ok or not

13 replies

mamaof32be · 02/08/2026 18:06

So Iv been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship and I’m 5 months pregnant to my boyfriend’s first baby.

anyway cut a long story short - I have trauma from my previous relationship- narcissist and just all round awful.

my boyfriend knows all this and Iv always told him to never lie to me. Anyway he has told silly lies and they really trigger me. I try and get over them and forgive but I dunno if I’m just being a mug

recent one - his ex who cheated on him 20 years ago followed him on insta - he accepted and followed her back.

previous incidents -

he was on his works do, told me he was coming home shortly. I waited up and he ended up back at some lads with whoever and I later found selfies on his phone of him and some girl and lipstick on the side of his top. He admitted to hugging her and they was just being friendly in the pub. Again triggered me as I instantly think worse

when I first started seeing him before we was official, he was speaking to 2 other girls. When we started properly I told him to let me know if they ever reached out to him. He didn’t and I found out by snooping. Yeah it’s wrong but I was seriously cheated on by my ex and he knows this. So I instantly think he’s going to cheat at the slightest of things.

last year he went to Dubai with the lads and half of them always cheat on their Mrs. Anyway weeks after one of the girlfriends messaged me to say that her fella had cheated on her and had brought girls back to the villa - I confronted my boyfriend and he said he didn’t tell me some of the lads had brought girls back as he knew I’d doubt him and worry. ( he was on the phone to me and texting when the said girls were there as I time checked this)

I know I probs come across a bit full on but why do I not trust him? Why do I doubt him. Am I being a mug? Should I run a mile.

i just think is he going to keep the little lies until I finally get rid? Like am I allowing this

OP posts:
ChocoChocoLatte · 02/08/2026 18:15

He sounds like a twat. Don’t waste your time second guessing and get rid.

PashaMinaMio · 02/08/2026 18:19

If the trust has gone and it seems like it has, the days of your relationship are over. Once the pot is cracked it will always leak.

You might as well get rid of him, have the baby, don’t put his name on the BC, take legal advice/CMS etc and get on with your life again.

Funchythesnowwoman · 02/08/2026 18:28

Cut your losses now. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Claim child support when the baby is born.

category12 · 02/08/2026 18:34

He sounds like an out with the lads, beers and get off with women type of guy.

Vulpini · 02/08/2026 18:37

Funchythesnowwoman · 02/08/2026 18:28

Cut your losses now. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Claim child support when the baby is born.

Can you claim child support if the name isn’t on the BC?

category12 · 02/08/2026 18:40

Vulpini · 02/08/2026 18:37

Can you claim child support if the name isn’t on the BC?

Yes.

Lexy2345 · 02/08/2026 18:58

He doesn’t sound mature enough to be a dad. After 5 years together there should be trust and respect. I think you should resign yourself to being a single mother and let this man child go. Your poor baby deserves better than a dad who behaves like a daft teenager.

Coffeeandtv86 · 02/08/2026 19:06

How old is this guy? He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who is ready to settle and be a decent partner or dad imo.
His behaviour is going to make you ill. You need to get rid.

Vulpini · 02/08/2026 19:30

category12 · 02/08/2026 18:40

Yes.

Interesting I didn’t know that!

mamaof32be · 02/08/2026 19:31

Good luck with that, I can’t even get my ex to pay for my 2 children. I’m not even arsed about money. My mental health and happiness means more.

I also thought you can’t claim if they wasn’t on the BC

OP posts:
category12 · 02/08/2026 19:36

If he disagrees that he's the father, he can ask for a DNA test but he doesn't need to be on the birth certificate to be named as the father to the CMS.

www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/disagreements-about-parentage

category12 · 02/08/2026 19:39

Which is just as well, as the father can only be added to the birth certificate if he's present, agrees to it formally or you're married, I think.

If he doesn't co-operate he can't be added. So that would make it far too easy for abandoning men to evade child maintenance.

GreyCarpet · 02/08/2026 19:52

Which is just as well, as the father can only be added to the birth certificate if he's present, agrees to it formally or you're married, I think.

Yes, this is correct.

Also, if you are unmarried, he only gets PR if he is named on the birth certificate.

You can still apply for maintenance through CMS. If he contests it, you can apply through courts for a DNA test.

He would have to apply to go on the birth certificate separately through the court. He could also do this whether you apply for maintenance or not.

However, he obviously wouldn't be able to simultaneously deny he is the father and apply to go on the birth certificate.

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