How much daily attention do you need from your partner?

[Sienna24]

How much attention do you get from your partner in a romantic sense? In terms of conversations by phone/text how sweet are they on the phone and in person how much attention would you need to stay in a relationship? I’m just curious if my expectations are normal or not hence the question. Thanks

You sound like hard work

Hate shitty comments like this.

I don't think OP is unreasonable at all, especially when he used to give her affection and attention in the past.

And I say that as the partner who wouldn't hug or kiss or affectionately text out of her own volition, but does it because it's important for her partner.

Me texts me at lunch and we normally discuss what we are having or sometimes if I’m very lucky he comes home and has lunch with me or I go to his office and have lunch with him. I work from home and sometimes have long lunch breaks.

When he comes home from work I normally leave him alone for like 10-20 mins and he will spend some one on one time with the kids while I do my end of day work tasks (log what I’ve done, update files, set up for the next day). Then we pretty much spend the rest of the day together.

I’m not too fussed on calls or text but I do see him a lot. Also, I know if I message him or call him - unless he’s in a life or death situation he will reply. I know when he’s in meetings ect so I don’t text or call him then, but if he’s just in the office he will be prompt. If I took longer I would probs be more needy.

She's hard work because her DP is away in business and as she says, busy and tired and OP is complaining that despite him talking to her and texting her daily, it's not enough attention for her. She wants more. More texts, more sweetness whatever that means, longer chats about how much he loves and misses her and MORE ATTENTION. Or she doesn't feel loved.

Yeah, she's hard work and if the sexes were reversed she'd be told to run a mile from a man who demanded so much as they would be controlling.

We have been together for 37 years so obviously texts weren't a thing at the start. Then he used to call as he was leaving work, now he texts "on the 19.55" so I could get dinner on

Occasionally we might text about the meter readings or the gardener. Might put a heart emoji at the end.

We have never had long telephone conversations because since our second date, we've never had a night apart and speak in person, except when he's been away on business. We did have a year and a bit where he was mostly in NY and he rang at 7pm on Tuesdays and Fridays to make sure we were OK, speak to the children, etc.

When we are working, we are working and there just isn't time for long phone calls.

Nowadays I visit my mum and he visits his 2 hrs and 4 hrs away, and we drop a text to check we have arrived safely or perhaps one that says "all OK?". However, our communication together is positive. We have a chat dd says we moan about our clients/colleagues over dinner and every night the last thing he says is I love you and that's the first thing too.

I suffer from Main Character Syndrome so I need quite a lot. Mainly DH listening to me and offering sympathy/comfort for my first world problems, rather than romantic texts or sexts or anything like that.

What I want is constant undivided attention and reassurance he doesn’t hate me. But I can’t do that so I just settle for phone calls a couple nights a week as well as a night together. There’s big life changes for us both and we don’t live together so he cannot give me as much attention as I want. I’m busy, he’s busy. But there’s also no emotion either. There is from me but I’m a very big hopeless romantic. He is very chill and doesn’t come from an emotional family like I do so isn’t used to it. He still tries though really hard and I appreciate everything he does.

Ha I relate to this a bit.

I don't require any attention from DH when he's not there. We'll message funny memes or cute dog pictures if they come along but we don't need to check in with each other, we'd never message just to say good morning or goodnight and I think I'd have run a mile from any "sweet texts". I'm not a needy person and I find neediness very unattractive.

However when we are together I definitely require conversation, or at the very least for him to hang on to my every word.

You can’t force this kind of thing on people.

It’s not the way he is and you can’t mould him into a different person. If you can’t cope without loads of lovey-dovey messages and phone calls, he is not the right man for you.

If he does start sending ‘sweet texts’ you’ll know full well he’s only doing it because you’ve nagged him into it, which defeats the purpose.

If my boyfriend expected lots of ‘sweet texts’ and long phone conversations from me, I would feel quite suffocated and I’d be irritated by it. I couldn’t somehow just learn to enjoy it. It isn’t me. And if I felt obliged to perform it just to avoid being pestered about it, it would feel pretty sour and would certainly have damaged our relationship early on.

I’m a fully functioning adult. I don’t need attention like a child. I’d be a bit pissed off if someone kept trying to have long phone conversations with me every day especially after work.
Why can’t you manage without ‘sweet texts’? Bizarre.

This. .

OP sounds like one of those young women who styles themselves as a social media inspired Princess, needing constant attention, validation and praise or she just doesn't 'feel loved'.

Which isn't how most adults function or expect to. Nor should.

It's part of the SM crap telling women if they're not the centre of his thoughts and behaviours every single day, they need to tell him to make them so.

And if he doesn't, they think there are infinite number of men who will treat them like that 'Princess' they deserve just by being female and females should be worshipped.

It's Andrew Tate style crap in reverse.

I think it depends on if you're living together or not. If you live with each other there's barely any point in messaging or phone calls for small talk, only really for daily life admin: "can you pick up some milk on your way home please". If you don't live together, then regular messaging can, to some extent, make up for the lack of in person contact. But even so, hours long phone calls on a regular basis sounds excessive.

When I first got together with my partner we'd be messaging each other a lot, 100 to 200 a day. Several years later and it's barely at all, handful per day at most.

Some people are on overdrive in the honeymoon stage, so what they did at the beginning could peter out such as those hours long conversations.

You say your ex had your communication style yet you two broke up anyway. Was he lacking in another way? Since you say with this bf that you want to keep the conversation going in text and relished the hours long conversations, perhaps he's short so as not to instigate and unleash in you what he thought was way too much.

Communication about what you desired didn't make a dent, so basically you must do some soul searching about if the good far outweighs what's lacking, or that it doesn't.

I don't know if you've been together long enough to know if he cares for you well when you're sick. If he comes to your aid in an emergency. If he makes an equal effort in getting together. If he is interested in what's going on in your life. If he makes you feel like his special romantic partner instead of a roommate or buddy.

I'd look at the total picture as one person can't fulfill all your needs. Because the dating pool is pretty hard at there, so make sure you see this as a dealbreaker before making an exit. It's okay if it is a dealbreaker. You can only choose one person to be your lifetime partner so if you feel like you'd be settling, then it's best to release him so you can each find better matches. Take care.

Most of my marriage is conducted by text because we spend so little time in each other’s company until the end of the day, by which time we are both exhausted. Normal at this stage of our lives. But none of those texts are “affectionate”! They’re practical, show love in the way of support and help and taking things on for each other. I don’t talk to anyone on the phone, ever, other than doctors and banks. Life is too short!!

How long have you been together? Do you live together? How often and for how long is he away?

from the change it seems likely that his ‘sweet’ texts and long phone conversations early on were a dating ploy and not his true preferred way of communicating, and too high an effort for him than he’s willing to put in longer term.

We rarely text/call. Tbh i only text him if he is at work and whatever i need to ask/say cannot wait till he gets home. We will often cuddle in bed before sleep. We almost always hold hands when we go out. He is not comfortable with too many PDA's but if ask for a kiss I usually get one.

I don't. Because I choose not to have one!

In the early days of our relationship we were in a time that no one had mobiles; texting, was unheard of.
I don't think that the lack of an ever present mobile is the reason why DH didn't get into the habit of calling from work or anywhere else for that matter.
DH is a very practical man, a doer more than a talker.
Do I wish that he would have been the type to call me to check in, while he was at work all day, to give me that sense of connection?
Yes, I would have liked that, but it never happened.
Still today DH is willing to do anything to give me a break, is a much loved and ever present dad, doesn't go out with the lads, will help anyone out, has never looked at another woman, holds my hand, and tells me I look beautiful, and means it.
He just has never and will never participate in close and meaningful communication, that's just not him.
I think that @ScorpionLioness79 gave you excellent advice OP, I found it useful to remind myself that the good that DH does far outweighs the lack something I would have liked to have had.

None. My partner works away a lot, he always has. When he’s away we text and very occasionally talk on the phone that’s it. I was a lone parent before my partner so I was already used to living alone.

We are very much in the honeymoon stage and he goes on long trips away sometimes.

We text every day for a good while, sometimes talk on the phone although both prefer texting.

There’s cute emojis and in-jokes in the texts but nothing overly emotional, I’d rather save this for in person.

Generally I think asking someone to do something that isn’t their authentic personality/ emotion doesn’t really work. If a man would ask me to text them more often or say cute things in texts, I’d feel being told who to be and put on a show for them, and that’s not who I am —> breakup. It’s quite comparable to telling a woman to ‘do your hair and makeup and wear sexy lingerie because that’s what I like’

You’re wanting him to change and be more like your ex, and you can’t really change people I’m afraid.

If I’m away with work I’d like to stay focused on my work please, without having to think too hard about anything outside the work bubble.

When my partner is working away, I leave it up to him to text as his schedule allows, and sometimes it’s a lot as he gets really homesick at times, but I would not set expectations on him of how much, when, and the content. For me a good relationship means you can finish your day and be your true authentic self with the person who loves you for who you really are, even if that’s occasionally tired/ needy or a bit hyper and overexcited. Your home should know and accept you as the imperfect human that you are, and not ask you to be an actor

Very little. We got over the teenage ‘joined at the hip’ stage a long time ago.

He’s away doing his hobby this weekend. I’m not sure where exactly. We last spoke on Thursday lunchtime, he will be back late tomorrow, I assume. I’m not expecting to hear from him because he’s busy competing. He would contact me if he needed to, as would I.

We text daily. Several times a day. And then when he comes home we are together. We touch and cuddle and chat. It’s lovely.