Co parenting whilst getting over relationship

[Cerysc123]

So me and my partner split due to us not getting on as well and his parents not liking me and making his life hell for it. I was still living in the property with our two 12 month olds and we were actually starting to get on better again and we were getting on like nothing had changed. A month later we were going away for the girls birthday and he just seemed really off all of a sudden, like he seemed quite nasty towards me and cold. He was on his phone a lot which I found odd. We had a few arguments whilst we were away because of the way he was talking to me. He kept saying "You're getting on my nerves" when I was literally doing nothing. He said in an outburst of rage "I don't love you anymore, I don't care about you and you're not my problem anymore" but later apologised and said he didn't mean all of it. I asked if we could try again and he said he'd need time to think about it but thought it was past fixable now. When we got home we were getting on really well again and spent a lot of time together. I asked the question if he had thought about trying again and he said he still needed time to think but it wasn't a no. But he was still constantly texting. I asked him if he was texting anyone else and if he was could he please tell me the truth so I could move on. He repeatedly said no. Something just didn't feel right, I know I shouldn't of but I looked on his phone for my own mental health and reassurance..he was infact lying and sleeping with a woman from work. When I confronted him his reply was "So I don't care, it's none of your business" two days later I left and went to stay with my mum. I've been here for 3 weeks. He comes to visit the girls once a week whilst we make a parent plan for him to have them more regularly.

My question is, how do you co parent when you're heartbroken and absolutely gutted? We got on really well before all of this and had a really good relationship. I never wanted my girls to have two different lifes and I'm so upset about it. Every time I see him and I just feel rubbish and heartbroken all over again.

He's messed you around and treated you badly - you need to stop being heartbroken and find your anger! Keep handovers of the children quick and efficient and all communication polite and businesslike. Don't engage in any discussion unless it's about the children. Make it perfectly clear through your body language and demeanor that he is nothing to you except the children's father. Fake it til you make it and one day you will wake up and feel nothing but indifferent towards him.

Start thinking about making your life what you want it to be - new activities, new hobbies, spending time with friends, plan some adventures! Fill your time and keep busy - no moping and going over old ground about the relationship and what could have been different. Live in the now and take each day as it comes. You are strong and you will get through this. You have one life so don't waste any more of it thinking about him!

Sorry to hear you are going through this op.

He sounds like a total bastard tbh, I’m glad you and the girls are safe away from him. But why the heck does he get the family home when you are the one raising the kids?

Not only has he cheated, he has the audacity to stay in the family home and force his kids to stay elsewhere. Unless maybe it’s only his name on the tenancy and only him paying the bills?

As for the plan to have them more regularly, why does that take three weeks?

Get your claim in for child support asap. He’s a piss taker.
Don't let him take the piss because he will.

I would have your parents drop the kids off with him when he wants to see them, dont let him into your current home.

Unfortunately he owned the house before he met me. He said we could stay as long as we like but he'd be there too and at the time I was heartbroken finding out he'd move on. We're now stuck in a two bedroom flat with my mum, me and the girls and my mum's dog. My dog has had to go into foster because she can't fit in the flat as we're so overcrowded as it is..I'm struggling to get a house anywhere and until I do I can't get her back😭 It's all such a mess.

I've put a claim in, it's taken so long because we haven't come to an agreement. He wanted them every weekend to begin with and I said no. Then he'll fuss a something else. I don't have the time to be sat concentrating on that when I have two babies to look after and a million other things to do. He has to go to work and gets full nights sleep.

I've been really civil with him for the girls sake and when I could of been a right pain. Tonight I was just having a joke and banter with him on text and he gave the most blunt and serious response. I thought that's it, serious one word answers going forward. Had enough of trying to be nice and civil to someone who's ruined my life x

I'm sorry you are going through this, it's so tough.
It sounds like he has moved on, as you say, and you need to start doing that too.

It's hard to be civil and co-parent when you still have feelings for an ex, it's like some kind of cruel joke, but having parents that can get on a bit is in the best interests of your children.
It's hard, can be heartbreaking at times but you can do it and it will get easier.

He needs to have the kids a decent amount of time each week and on a regular basis so that you get some freedom & time to.sort your oen life out.
Definitely set boundaries around introducing new partners - he could ignore these of course but it's still good to discuss it and get your feelings known.

I hope things start to work out for you. Put your energies into your kids & your relationship with them but do try to establish some kind of civil co parenting relationship with your ex.

There are lots of posters here who knows how it feels & how hard it is so keep coming here for sympathy & support x

He’s behaved appallingly, but in answer to your question regarding how you co-parent you have to concentrate on making life as normal/stable as you can for the kids and set aside your grievances to focus on their needs, it’s ok to be mad/upset with him, just deal with that separately out of earshot of the kids. I know you’re hurting but you won’t always feel that way i promise 🤗

Don’t waste your energy trying to be nice to a snake. He will only bite you again.

When they are cheating they make you into the villain to excuse their own shit behaviour because they aren’t capable of remorse. So he will be hateful and spiteful going forwards.

It’s not a reflection on you.

Just set some boundaries. For yourself more than him.
Don't message him unless it’s kid related, and infact, consider getting a co-parenting app so that your contact needs are minimal. Read up on the grey rock technique too.