Moan - DH makes me feel so bad sometimes...

[SusieMc]

I love my DH and he does me; but just every now and again - and this is one of those days, he makes me feel like shit. I am juggling a big job, bunch of tradesmen on our house renovations and keeping the house running, and occasionally I'm sure I make mistakes in all three. Today I have just been told off like a little kid for paying one of our tradesmen 50% up front for a job he's doing for us. He's done work for us before and he's good and reliable so I have no problem with this. DH has just emailed me to tell me how against this he is, how we have lost bargaining power and in future I shouldn't do it. Maybe he's right, but I'm the one here with the guys on the ground and I made a call I thought was right. He has made me cry now. It's a stupid little thing, and he has a point. But why does he say things in such a way that make me feel stupid and child-like. I am his wife not his daughter, and yet sometimes he makes me feel like such a silly little girl.

No need to reply...I'm just moaning!

Why are you doing all of this on your own?????

What can I say, MrsMattie - DH works long hours and earns more money, so I feel I should do all the other stuff. It's my hang-up not his...

Thanks Dittany - I thought so too. Particularly as it's only a bloody 3 day job and they've now done one day!?

Also, whatever happened to good old fashioned trust! My instincts tell me that this particular guy is on the level and he's proved it in the past.

I have told hubby I'm sorry and take his point. Explained why I did it and told him I'll leave it to him in future.

I long for a better paid job so I feel more financially equal. I will finish my current contract in August and money has become a priority for me - and I'm very much NOT money-motivated. I have noticed that not feeling financially equal to my DH does have an unbalacing effect on me though. Strange but true.

My husband is very generous. He is not a penny pincher in any way. I don't think he sees me as less than an equal - I think he would be horrified at the prospect to be honest. But it's harder to see things that way when you're at the lower end of the pay spectrum. I am well qualified, and until quite recently, was well paid. I have been working on a contract over the last year though which has slashed my salary to peanuts (it's complex why, but it's a great job and curiously beneficial to my husband's company too). Anyway, it's meant that I can't contribute to the household as much as I used to and that does make me feel a bit guilty I guess. So, I feel I should make up for this loss in wages with my time and energy. I do all the cooking, food shopping, household organising etc.

And as for apologising, I guess I did so because it's his money, in spite of the joint account, and I did something with it that he didn't like...

I earn a fraction of what my DH earns. I used to earn more but am re-training hence the drop. My DH treats me as an equal, listens to my opinions and wouldn't make me feel as you do. I do majority of childcare and all the household stuff as my hours are considerably less than his. That is my contribution and he respects me for it. You are making yourself feel bad.

FranSanDisco - You are right! I am making myself feel bad. I must get over this. I am a smart and should know better - I will pull myself together!

That's the girl. You are an intelligent woman who can handle negotiations quite nicely thank you on your own