another secrets in families thread... what do you think?...

[mankymummy]

if you suspected that your older sister was actually your mum would you ask her ?

Yes while she is still around to ask.

Is there no way you can suss it from your birth cert?

Yes absolutely. Scary but you need to know.

Yes

omg
Yes I think I would

Is this a recent suspicion?

What does your long-form birth certificate say?

Yes, probably.

I would look for a birth certificate first - get the info before confronting anyone.

I would look for birth cert. If you can't get access to it you can pay to get another one. You are entitled to know. Do you think they would tell you the truth?

no birth certificate lists my parents as i was brought up to believe them.

not really a recent suspicion, various things happened/been said over the years and i've always vaguely wondered but my sister and i were chatting at my bbq the other day and she'd had quite a few glasses of wine which is unusual for her. she then brought up the age difference between us and then said, "i'm old enough to be your mother" and looked at me in a meaningful way.

maybe its nothing but there's been other stuff too.

she's a half sister by the way (not sure that makes any difference!).

given what you have just described - yes, ask her what (if anything!) she was driving at with those comments.

Ask her now

Total... i nearly did at the time but i thought its such an innocent comment in itself to have said, that i'd feel stupid if i was wrong.

maybe its me just making five out of 2+2...

A friend of mine had exactly the same suspicion and it turned out she was right! What do you think would happen if you asked her?

really? what made her suspect if you dont mind me asking?

what would happen? im not sure really, the only person whom i would worry about upsetting (apart from sis of course) is my dad and he's dead.

i think i'm scared of making a prat of myself !!!!

Why not ask her in a slightly roundabout way.

I mean she might have had a baby adopted but it wasn't you for instance. She might just be feeling old!

Maybe " I was thinking about what you sais at the barbeque about being old enough to be my mother and I was wondering if there was something you wanted to talk about?"

I don't know much about it but does your long birth cert have to say adopted or not original?

Are you sure you have seen your long form birth cert? No court info on it?

Yes I've seen the long birth certificate (well i assume its the long one, it just lists parents name and address, occupation and place of birth).

I think if it had happened it would have been done secretly, i.e. my sister kept away until she gave birth and my mother pretending to be pg.

my family circumstances are pretty odd and i can see how it may have been possible.

Secretly? Wow, that would be odd.

How much older than you is she?

It was loads of little things iirc (haven't seen her for ages so details are a bit hazy) - like the fact her sister was much more protective of her/interested in her well-being than seemed 'normal' for someone who was a teenager when she was born, that her parents were so much older (she worked out that her 'mum' (actually her gran) would have been late 40s when she was born) and just a feeling more than anything else.

Shes 17 years older than me. My parents were both old parents too, my dad was 43 when I was born and my mum just a bit younger.

that was a stupid thing to write espec as i have a 2 year old and i'm 40 myself!!!!

i meant old for the times i was born (people had kids earlier in the olden days!).

i think you are right batters, it is unlikely, which is probably why i've never asked her !

Ask. Pass it off as a joke if you then feel embarrassed, start calling her Cat Slater. it used to happen all the time...

It did happen on my dad's side.

But On my mum's side, my nan had a late baby (at grand young/old age of 40) and neighbours used to give my then 17yr old mum lots of funny looks. It became a long standing joke and my uncle half believed it for a while. Nan finally got very upset and brought out birth cert. Uncle still sometimes sends my mum mothers day cards just to wind her up.

next time your sister says she's old enough to be your mum, just say 'well are you?'. direct and to the point i think. and then you'll have your answer. or as much of one as you'll ever get.