My sister told our mum "I should have bloody smacked you in the face"

[QuintessentialShadows]

My sister was ranting about her ill health, blaming God and all sorts. Mum replied "Maybe if you did not curse God all the time, it wouldnt be so bad".

So my sister replied "I should have bloody smacked you in the face for saying that".

Whether everybody who believes in God is granted no sickness and a life of rose petals, is another discussion.

But my siste is in her late fourties and should know better than to threaten violence to our old and frail mother (73) who has supported her in sickness and shit her entire life.

I am shocked. My mother is very saddened and has changed her view on my sister.

My sister and her 13 year old dd is visiting from Spain, and will stay till mid august.

My sister said "I shall pack my bags and leave". My mum replied "Yes, Get out!" So my sister has been sulking in the bedroom all day. This is so juvenile it is beyond belief.

And what do I do?
So far I have offered my mum sympathy but stayed out. Or should i be expected to go and rant at my sister in support of my mum? (I dont think that is wise, as I am sure my sister and my mum will make up, as my mothers kind heart has unlimited love for her children)
But.

Poor you, aren't siblings a nightmare sometimes, no advice really, my db regularly upsets my parents, but if I say anything it just winds him up so I just stay out of it

No advice I'm afraid, but lots of sympathy - I hate family rows.

Continue to stay out of it! imo it's not your place - unless of course you feel your sister is actually going to hit your mum, in which case you need to protect her. Or your mum asks for your help to get your sister out. Or your sister asks for your opinion. Yes they will make up, but if you step in now, your sister will not forget it!

Also - tbh, if I was having a rant at the world and offloading my feelings to my mum, and that was her response - I have to say I'd feel angry, hurt and let down. I wouldn't threaten her, but I'd be really upset.

can you find a way to give them both a way out?

that's what I'd try to do

they are mother and daughter .. both are shocked and upset

I think I'd go and talk to sister tell her that you are really sorry she is feeling so badly, tell her that you understand how what your mother said could feel like a kick in the teeth but that you know she loves you and didn't mean to hurt you. tell her that everybody lashes out at those they love but that mother is really upset .. ask her if she thinks she could maybe swallow it down and apologise

remind your mother that she loves her daughter
remind your sister that she loves her mother

do not get pulled into he says she says .. if it doesn't work .. then stay away from it and let her pack and leave

but you can't stand back and do nothing when they are both clutching for a way out of the corners they're backed into

Good advice Twiglett.

I think my mum is just fed up as it seems my sister on many occasions is more than happy to have a headache while everybody else is busy with work and domestic chores. It is sometimes so convenient how she gets a headache before dinner and leave it to me and mum to cook and clear up after 8 people eating. And it is easy to offload all the laundry for her and her dd to my mum to do together with her.... For the first time ever my mum said, "look, do it yourself" and my sister had to do it, and she has been ill since.... They sleep in till around 11 every day.... she has not ONCE sorted something to eat for her daughter since she got here....She has her nose in a book while I end up doing everything. Families. Eh. I dont mind, personally, but I feel sorry for her dd.

stay out of it

families they really are funny are'nt they

Whitebeach, I was thinking this morning: This is my nemesis. This is what I get for my judgemental attitude on your thread yesterday. For the grace of God go I, with my perfectly reasonable family.

But they have made up, and I did NOT MEDDLE. I just cooked dinner, her dd came out and offered to lay the table, and I asked her to set a place for her mum. And asked her to go get her. And she grumblingly and tearful came and had dinner. After she got hold of our mum (we dont eat together always, we are too many at the moment) and they sat down to talk. I made myself scarce, but it is ok.

And even better as Spain won this nights footie.

QS - well done you. I have been go-between for my sister and my mother (both 20 odd years younger but still a big issue in my life) for many years now and rarely escaped with everyone's dignity intact like this.

It sounds very, very tough. But I hope it keeps on positively, like this.

it's no problem Q I am glad you are able to have sorted everything out. I do agree that at first glance my very first original post must have appeared very shallow and petty but if you see my further posts you will also see that there are reasons behind.[ by the way i really am not suggesting you go and read my saga have a lovely weekend x

No advice hun, but just want to give (((hugs)) not a nice situation.