"I care about you but there is no love there anymore" he says

[stirlingmum]

So there you go - There goes 15 yrs of marriage.
I have posted before but here is a brief (as brief as I can) summary...

Last Nov, h tells me he is seeing someone else, he loves her, he has even moved her into his company flat in the city he spends alot of time.
We do lots of crying & talking and we decide to try again. Trouble is h really isn't trying. We try counselling but he doesn't want to go back. He doesn't really want to talk about what happened or us.
I find out he is still in touch with ow again and again. He tells me now that it is over but I can't believe him!
We have been just getting along (especially important as 3 dc involved 9,7 & 3) but he tells me this week, the night before our dd's birthday party and a few days before we are off to France for 2 weeks that he cares for me but there is no love there.
Apparently it is best that we seperate! He sees no point in prolonging the agony - it wont get any better.

I feel a bit better just putting it down in writing - just feel sick and sad!

so sorry to hear this StirlingMum.
I have just been though similar, although out of the blue and no OW.
Personally I wouldn't go on holiday with him - although I didn't feel like that at the time.
Be strong, surround yourself with good friends, you WILL get through this.

Stirlingmum so sorry to hear ow still on the scene

Hi stirlingmum - I remember reading your threads before because we were in such a similar situation.
H had an affair, we decided to try and work it out, but it took a long time for him to properly break contact with her (like a year) and for the 2 years after that he pretended to be trying to make it work with me. Had me fooled at times too. But last March he announced that he didn't love me like he should, that it wasn't fair to stay and moved out.
And to be honest, he was right. If he truely felt like that then it was best he went. But it has taken a long time to get past the disbelief about the situation I found myself in, after over half my life with the man I thought was my soul-mate.
But I have, gradually, and I have been surprised at the relief i feel at not having the 'Is everything Ok with us?' question hanging over my head all the time. Like a weight being lifted, and now I can look forward and plan for me and the dc. I have found a new job which should mean I can keep the house, and has helped me adjust to the new phase in my life.
It was hard at first, things would hit me out of the blue, esp when the dc first went to stay with him, but it is getting easier all the time. I now feel positive more than I feel low iyswim. I know there are lot of hurdles in the way in terms of separating our financial arrangements properly, but one step at a time.
I have now got to a point where I wouldn't take him back, because no-one is going to put me through that again.

Focus on yourself and the dc. Treat yourself a bit if you can. I had to get new clothes for my new job, and that helped me feel much better about myself.

It will get easier to cope, but for the times when it is hard, we are here. I have blubbed into MN many times and found wonderful people there to listen.