old relationship - want to start it up again

[susia]

Years ago (when I was 19 and I'm now 40) I had a nine year relationship. There were many reasons things didn't work out - we met each other when we were really young, at the time I was ambitious and wanted a lot out of life whereas he was quite lazy...etc

We lived with each other for about 7 years, some of the time we were happy but towards the end we argued alot. I deliberated for a long, long time about whether to end it or not.

On the one hand we were really good friends, understood each other and had great sex. On the other he held me back, he wanted to stay in getting stoned all the time, never had any money and was out of work quite alot.

Anyway, the split was really painful for both of us and especially him but he moved on and for the last 10 years has been with someone else, who he split up from about a year ago. I have had a lot of short and some reasonably long relationships but never met anyone else long term.

I now have a five year old boy and have bumped into him a few times recently. Last year we ended up having a one night stand and all the attraction is still there. I recently suggested going for a drink which we are doing soon. The thing is I want to give it another go but want to do it with our eyes wide open this time - I don't think at the time he ever really understood why things went wrong and never expected us to split up. Despite all the arguing at the time I just don't think we communicated what our problems were.

I really would like to ask him for another proper try, to make it work but am scared of being rejected. How can I put it please?

anyone got any advice?

so has it been 12 years? ANd hashe changed. 9 years is a longtime that you stayed together isntit? (though you were quiteyoung i spose)

i feel kind of negative about the lack of communcation thatyou had and whether it would be any better thius time.
however perhaps you can take things one step at a time,.. see how it goes

yes I have changed alot and life has moved on for both of us in many ways. For me I have come to realise that the grass isn't always greener, I am more settled and less ambitious. The things that mattered more to me then don't so much now.

I don't know him really anymore so I don't know how much he has changed but I suspect the idea of starting up wouldn't have occured to him because he was very hurt in the past by our relationship ending.

It is true the lack of communication did cause the relationship to end but I feel I need to bring it up as we only meet the one time otherwise and if I didn't say something I might always regret it.

go for it, i posted here while a go that i was meeting up with an ex 9the love of my life) met him after son ws born and he was lovely we went oput for a while and i was just a complete ice queen to him as i had been hurt before so i did not want him too close as did not wanna get hurt again, anyway i was dropping himlike a hat everytme we had an argument and plit up, he lived s wales so not seen him sine, although shared odd phone call or text after split. but 4 years later, i got in contact with his sister on bebo and she gve me his number. i m going down to wales in two weeks . in the break i realised i loved him.
go for it what the worst it can do

Someone said once, never go back. For me that helped a lot.

er heard that one too ut mabe you ned closure, up to you to try , i always said dont go back but er i always have but at least i cant say what if

I think it's alright to say never go back until you have lived a different life and know what you have missed.

We messed up badly between us - but we were too inexperience at the time and couldn't work things out.

I don't know if things could be better now - just that I'd like to try and want to know how to say that....

sorry my keys dont work properly on here,
go for it susia,dont know unless you try!

thank you, but I'm sure he'll be very wary and defensive. I don't know how his life has progressed and what he thinks. He was also very hurt by the end of his last relationship, she ended it after 10 years.

Well you know you want to, you can't know the outcome, but don't expect it to be the same because you are both different people now. We all change over the years.

yes I know that is why it is difficult to say anything

The trouble is how to bring it up when I'm not sure it's what he wants or has even thought about?

Why not just go out with him, as planned, and see how it goes? Find out more about him and where he is now - what are his values/ambitions now? If it seems like you're more in accord then you can broach the subject.