Hello, I just joined today, as I saw many topics on this a few weeks back and thought I would reach out to see if anyone can give some insights if you are going through the same, as not too sure how I feel when this happens or how best to approach it really.
Im in my mid 50s, my partner is the same age, we have been together now nearly 2.5 years, live together, really easy and been away, share some lovely times together, he is very generous etc etc and we just love one another's company....but his side of the family and his children I struggle with and this is where things arent so easy.
He has been married twice before (together 18 years with the 1st and I think 9 years with the other), 2 children, x1 from the first one he is 17 and the 2nd one she is 23.
His 17 year old son lives with his mum and we never speak to her but he sees his son pretty much most weeks/takes him out driving as trying to pass his test or takes him away weekends football/shopping etc. He has a good rapport with him. However I never see him as he never speaks to me, which I struggle with as I am really chatty, make him feel welcome and want to just enjoy his company as it makes my partner happy, but its a shame as after 2 years we have no bond or just nothing not even able to hold any conversation. He is a quiet soul, I have no bad feelings towards him at all its just this empty feeling which has now resorted to my partner seeing him on his own.
His daughter is still very close to my partners other ex as well (mother of the 1st child who is 17) as she raised her from a young age and naturally she is also really close to her own mum, they go everywhere together and share the same social circle around dance and music.
For this reason she is just not making an effort with me and what I am finding hard is I feel we have a lot in common with our interests and similar outlook as o what I was like at 23...however this is how it is with her too.
I dont have children so it makes me even more of an outsider looking in. All his family are quite out there and shall we say larger than life. Whereas I have come from a rather insular quieter more reserved family where its really small and just the x4 of us, my brother, mum and dad still together and thats it. His family there are around 20 of them.
His mum is interfering and very opinionated and gossipy and my partner has had to put her in her place a few times because of her rather rude comments now and again which sits at times awkwardly with other members of the family too so I know its not just with us.
My partner is very close to his family, he speaks to them everyday which is lovely, sees his daughter regularly and his son as mentioned above.
So I guess what I am now feeling is do I accept this is how it is with his family? no bond/closeness.... He is very close to my parents and I love this as they are so easy going and really like him too, but I dont have that with his or feel any connection.
I tend to just go along to family things, sit there and be very charming and join in making myself fit in, but other times I dont go and spend time with my friends or alone and I do feel a sense of relief when not there.
Wondering what is best as other than his family, no bond and feeling like this strange outsider even with his kids, has anyone been in this situation before as I love him dearly and vice versa but could this break us?
Whenever his kids who are now getting older are in contact and his family its a strange feeling I get which I struggle to shift.
I have spoken to him about it and he just says they do want you involved and they do like you but I guess I cant change how my daughter is or my son but i love them and want to keep on seeing them. I am all for that and never would stop him seeing them so I just leave it as it is.
Just feeling kind of weirdly on my own re family and maybe the answer for me is to do more with others socially perhaps?
Thank you for reading a rather long post!