Should I address possible tension before a long weekend away?

[Orangeparakeet]

I wasn’t sure where to post this as it’s not really a relationship issue but more of a situation of clashing personalities, although I might be making this unnecessarily difficult for myself.

A good friend has had some difficult times and we thought it might not be a bad idea for her to join me and my partner for a long weekend on our holiday. It’s a location we go to often, so not a novel place, and my
partner was happy with this too.

The problem is that she has recently been diagnosed with a condition and since it’s early days she talks about it a lot. I don't mind it although sometimes she can be a bit much, but my partner has a very low tolerance towards this and I know that he will be losing patience quickly, and the last thing I want is for this to blow up because the two have opposing views. I know that this might sound ridiculous but he is pretty black and white and I’m worried that he will snap at her at some stage.

I have not told her about this because I don’t really know how to. I think it would be reasonable to suggest that we discuss this when it’s just the two of us together than all three, but I’m not sure if that will sound weird. Would this be weird if a friend suggested this to you?

So long story short, long weekend with 2 people who will absolutely disagree on a topic that will likely come up because it’s important to one of them. And yes, im
aware that this is a problem that I have created myself by not thinking it through.

Nice you're supportive but please be mindful about your own boundaries.

Your partner "could" be nicer but equally as someone who has "supported" people through similar I wish I'd put up firmer boundaries myself. No good deed goes unpunished.

As someone with ND myself, the world isn't sympathetic to people who monologue or behave in a socially unskilled or erratic way that draws attention to themselves.

Regardless of the cause.

If she is genuinely taking responsibility and actively exploring medication (you can get Modafinil online) and routines and self-care then fair enough.

She should be coming up with practical systems for symptoms, not emotionally dumping on you and expecting you to problem-solve.

If she's been diagnosed and thinks that means you have to commit to "supporting" her (whilst your partner is the bad guy for not wanting to be dragged into this) it will become tiring very fast.

It seems you're already tiptoeing around her feelings (has she a tendency to monologue or gulit trip you before?).

She will lose a LOT of allies if she insists on people giving her their full attention when she wants to talk about her diagnosis (and I'm not actually sure what help it gives her to just talk tbh).

What do you mean when you say he has a different view? Is he an expert in neurodiversity? Does he disagree with the diagnosis? Is he a qualified professional in this field? What is his opposing view?

Would he have this opposing view if she had diabetes or cancer or a broken arm? Is ADHD not 'real' enough?

TBH, he sounds like he is an ass. And he will offend her. Maybe be honest with your friend and let her know he's a dick and lacking in empathy and not to discuss personal stuff in his company. Plan stuff for the two of you without him. That way he's happy and she won't feel uncomfortable/judged/dismissed/gaslit