Struggling with the end of an intense close friendship at 38

[Toooldforthismeangirlsstuff]

This is absolutely stupid I know. I’m 38 and too old for this rubbish!
But I’m really struggling with the end of a very close friendship.
I have a lot of what I’d call superficial friends - they are kind people and I like them and some I’ve known several decades but they don’t really know me and potentially vice versa. We might do things together but they aren’t people that get much access to me in ways that count. That sounds bad but I think I’m naturally quite closed - what you see isn’t what you get.
About 18 months ago I made a new friend and it was somehow different. She was fun and very open and I guess the friendship was intense fast. We spend a lot of time together, seeing each other several times a week. She’d phone me multiple times a day and we did a load of stuff. It felt different. She said her best days were with me, she always wanted me in her life, I was her closest friend, she was more herself around me than anyone, that I made her feel safe and confident etc.

And stupidly, I let my guard down.

Anyway, now, obviously, she’s got suddenly very friendly with someone else and it’s like I don’t exist. I’m not chasing it, I mean I sound about 11 at this point, because I’m a firm believer that if people want to then they will.

But I’m hurt. I’m really sad. And suddenly I have a lot of free time again - which is how it was before so I’ll get used to it - but in many ways it felt like having a partner but without the romantic part? That’s how I’d describe it. She’d call and say where are you, I can’t wait for you to get here. I really want to see you. I only want to do X if it’s with you.

Im confused too. I mean what was the point? What did she get from it?

Anyway, I just needed to write that down I suppose. I feel stupid for being upset about it and I’m angry with myself for letting my guard down. This is exactly why I never rely on anyone or let anyone too close!

I think you definitely are not being unreasonable to wonder about this, OP. All the best.

I could have written a similar post a few years ago. I had a friend at work and we became close and started a proper friendship with going out for lunch at work and attending outside events and going out to eat at restaurants whether it was Friday after work or on the weekend. I was the bubbly outgoing one but we both matched the energy of wanting to catch up.

After a few years, I guess she got sick of me and started a new friendship group at work. Out of nowhere one day this new starter came in and bang - instant connection and friendship. I would be on my lunch break and step outside and she would be sitting with this woman and they had cobbled together a few more in their group, and be sitting together out in the sun. It was suddenly I was old news and not included. We would confirm plans to just have a coffee during the workday and she would pretend these plans had not been made. She changed as well as a person she used to be a lot more genuine earlier on and by the end she was a completely different persona.

I ended up pulling away to focus on other things on my life. I let her I wasn’t able to catch up with her for a while and I never contacted her again and she predictably didn’t bother with me. I think she has since left the workplace.

Some people are just dysfunctional, in romantic relationships, friendships and professional relationships too - she enjoyed the intensity of the friendship while it lasted but she moved on, because the intensity can't be maintained and that's what she enjoys. I used to have a 'best friend' like that. It was only after she ditched me that I put two and two together and identified the trail of former 'best friends' who had all let her down or betrayed her in some way and realised I was just one of them. It hurts like a break up, you have to grieve it like a break up but you'll be ok in the end.

Whenever these threads pop up I wonder if any of you have had enough encounter with the same ex friend as me as the MO is so similar! Imagine if it were just like 5 women doing this over and over all across the UK..

I’ve had the same, met someone we had all the same interests, at first we talked none stop, I felt like I’d known her forever, met up, really enjoyed it then all of a sudden she grew distant and I’m lucky if I get a text back these days.
I felt really hurt but I’m moving on, I have stopped texting, suggesting meeting, I’ve realised she does this a lot and now has a new friend.
I don’t see the point of it all

Anyone, romantic or simply friendship, who love bombs in this way is , imo, suspicious. Probably has narcissist tendencies

Really stupidly I called him last night as I thought maybe I could reason with him to end things peacefully and get some closure or an explanation. He kept hanging up & making me call back. All he could say is he can’t talk about us & all he needs is money as he owes people money & he urgently has to pay them. I just wanted to know if he ever loved me or it was all a game to use me. The strange part is I actually miss him & I can’t believe he hasn’t called me today or apologised. I won’t take him back or respond anymore but I was hoping for an apology at least.

So sorry there’s seems to be a fault on my app & it posted my thread on a different one. Ignore that please

I was going to say this but also was going to say a narc also possible. I have had a friend like the OP. She loved being in the centre of someone’s world, co dependant.

Friend involved struggled and still does. She needs someone to egg her on, tell her she’s doing well, basically an external emotional support person. Like a drug habit it wears off and they seek someone else. People also get bored of propping up a friend.