How to cure a broken heart?

[Cradlemadle]

If you read my last post, you would know that my partner of 6 years said he never wanted to marry me a week before a planned holiday to Sicily - where he was due to propose and had bought a ring.

I suspected him having an affair with his office manager.

After believing his word that this never happened and therefore, I tried to be grown up about things and keep a friendship. It came to light, he admitted, to sleeping with her 1-2 weeks after we broke up. (Discovered last week)

My intuition was right. I feel like the wound has been ripped open again. Sometimes I’m fine, other times I feel like my heart is being stabbed with overwhelming sadness.

I try to keep busy. Keep myself distracted. But I’m struggling still.

Words of advice welcomed and appreciated.

I’m so sorry to read your post. You are experiencing a type of grief, which is completely normal. Gradually you’ll start to feel better. Time is a great healer. Take comfort as well, that this man showed his true colours in the nick of time. Thank goodness you weren’t actually married. 💐

Only speak to him if you absolutely have to. Be proud of your excellent intuition.
You dodged a bullet and I know how much it hurts but it won't always.
You now have the info that he does not have the qualities you look for in a friend so no more emotional support/attention/validation for him.

Sending love xxx

I have read your previous threads and they stayed with me.
Before it came out about this OW, you went away on a trip and felt happier and lighter without him. That says a lot - it was your gut instinct kicking in and it was right.
I wouldn’t talk about healing a broken heart because I think what you really need to feel is healing in your life overall.
You have had previous abusive partners and so this one didn’t seem so bad. You had months of him disrespecting you.
He is not your friend.
I think when I was at a similar stage I knew I needed change. It wasn’t just a broken heart it was more like a broken spirit - how could I let another man do this to me?
This man has broken your spirit and really stamped on your decency, but I think you already knew he wasn’t right for you.
The only thing that heals is time. But you can help the process by removing this man from your life, taking some time away from dating and building up own life.
Your heal the spirit by lifting it up, and that’s fine by doing things you enjoy, friendships, hobbies, feeling useful in the world

This and his book helped me just after my marriage broke down two years ago! Guy Winch’s how to fix a broken heart.

Give it time. And then give it more time.

I recently had my heart broken so I feel your pain. I’m two months in and it does get better but the overall feeling of betrayal and intrusive thoughts are still hard to deal with.

In the early days I listened to EDMR music to distract me so I could function at work. I kept a locked journal on my phone to write letters I will never send to him or just have a rant about what was particularly hard to deal with that day. I haven’t added to it for a nearly 3 weeks now. I was also lucky to have access to free counselling sessions at work which I had started before he broke up with me as I had felt a shift but I hadn’t quite pinpointed what it was yet but I could feel myself spiralling.

The hardest bit is retraining the nervous system that this has happened and he’s not coming back. My heart knows but my thought patterns haven’t caught up. I haven’t blocked him yet, it’s a step too far atm but every time he pops into my head now - I say fuck you (his name). I found the loss of identity / shared future particularly hard, the only way to combat that is to focus on me and what I want for my future - easier said than done but necessary - maybe if I put myself first more I wouldn’t be at such a loss now.

Wishing you good luck with your healing but I also echo another poster that said better it happened before the proposal/wedding. 😓