How can I support my sibling in a controlling relationship?

[foodlovefood]

My younger sibling has been with their partner for five years. They have a blended family and own a house together. I live five hours away, while my parents live next door.

For years I wondered why I could never see or speak to my sibling without their partner there. My parents always said they just liked doing everything together.

Recently my sibling admitted they've broken up around 15 times because their partner won't let them go anywhere alone. They can't see friends, meet me, or travel for work without accusations of cheating. If they do travel, their partner sometimes refuses to speak to them for weeks or ends the relationship.

They tried couples counselling, but the therapist wanted to explore the partner's insecurity, so the partner cancelled future sessions and ended the relationship again.

When I visited, we had to pretend we were going to the supermarket just to talk privately. My sibling says it's easier not to see friends anymore because it avoids the arguments. They've become anxious, isolated, and have lost friendships.

My parents love the partner because they're fun and family oriented, so they don't see a problem.

To me, this feels controlling and unhealthy. My sibling insists their partner is great apart from this and feels leaving isn't realistic because of the house and family.

How can I best support my sibling without pushing them away? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Or has s this normal as my partner and I see our own friends without each other.

Do your parents know they have split or semi split up so many times ?

@UpDownAllAround1 no. We only knew of one early on. It was when our gran died tye day after the we wanted to have dinner as a family to arrange funeral etc. They had only been together for a few months. She accused him of leaving her out and ignoring her needs.

is the partner male?

No.

Can you share some literature or send links to your sibling about coercive control in relationships or is the partner likely to be screening their messages? I would gently express to your sibling how concerned you are that they are essentially shrinking their life and isolating themselves from friends which is so unhealthy and makes them very dependent on their partner. Tell them that you're always there if they need you day or night. Ultimately the decision to leave has to be their own but you can gently give food for thought and keep in touch even if the partner tries to make it difficult.

I have tried this. The partner is nice and social. Will help family and be fun. It’s the not allowing my sibling to go out alone. If he does she sends inappropriate texts, attention seeking or punishes him by breaking up. He knows it’s not healthy, but has this glimmer that it can be sorted.

it annoys me that they have convinced my parents they have to do everything together. My parents keep telling me I have to respect it. But they can’t see what’s it’s doing to their child.