Should I do more to arrange things to do on dh days off. Or any day tbh.

[Yellowpaperflower]

Dh doesn’t make time for me then has a go that I don’t arrange things. If I don’t arrange anything he doesn’t, so we do nothing unless I arrange it. I’m tired of feeling like his PA for entertainment. I do have more time than him but every now and then I feel like he could sort things out.
today he took a day off and now he’s left the house in a huff because I didn’t sort out anything to do ‘all day’ He dropped the dc off to activity camp came home and went on his laptop.

this afternoon he got up an hour earlier than we’re suppose to leave and said he’s got to get cash to pay for camp out so he’s going right now . He knows we have no food in the house and only one car, I was dressed in my ‘day clothes’ so I had to get changed and he said I have 5 minutes to get ready.

I hate being treated this way. I didn’t know he was going to leave an hour earlier than we needed to, so I couldn’t get ready that quickly. He walked out the door moaning his day off has been terrible and hasn’t returned yet. Looks like I’m spending the evening alone without food. Is this on me? I could have done more maybe. I don’t even know anymore feel so crappy about the whole day.

Don't you drive or have the option of online shopping.

That aside, haven't you told him that a) you're not his social secretary and b) to pull his finger out and start organising stuff himself.

Just tell him he lives in an “equal opportunities household.”

Just like real life, it’s all out there waiting for his arranging skills to be tested.

Id just tell him to get stuffed. Such a man-baby. I reckon your marriage days are numbered.

It’s been a nice day, couldn’t you both have done something spontaneously instead of being pre arranged?

Is he not bringing the DC home?

This all sounds awful and no you're not his PA but you must have had a plan to go buy some food, was this after picking DC up? Did you say this? Does it take an hour to get cash?

All really odd. Have an adult conversation, not about this siecific day but your life together.

Did he book a day off with the intention of you both "doing something"? And what does doing something actually look like in your world? Surely a married couple would discuss it all in advance if one of you has specially booked a day off. And why isn't there any food in the house? This all sounds very odd.

We had a planned power outage which is why he took the day off as he wfh but the power never actually went out. We have no food in the fridge/freezer as a result. I have got biscuits and crisps which I don’t really eat myself they’re more for the dc but no ‘food’ we had planned to pick something up on the way back from collecting the dc.

I’m assuming he’s doing that without me now. I’m starting to feel depressed about things so feel like I can’t see where I’m going wrong/he’s going wrong.
he went on his laptop and started working on a side project he’s got going on. In hind sight, I think he was passive aggressively waiting for me to want to do something but I just went on with my day as he looked busy.

You both sound like you’re playing games!!
Talk

@ProseccoPie thanks. I’m not deliberately playing games but do think I’m going wrong as well.

Surely he can plan his own day off for Christ’s sake 🙄

No, it's not on you. In our house we'd probably have discussed it a few days ago as we would have been looking forward to having a day off together, it doesn't sound like it's like that in your house, are you happy in general?

Jesus Christ he's a grown man. He can sort his own day off outings himself. What a fucking baby

Unless there's some additional details that haven't been shared, he sounds like he thinks he's the princess, or even the catch of this relationship, and that it's your duty to treat him and take him out. Does he try to please you? Impress you?

I am not sure if there is a back story or context to this or if your husband is a prick.
There seems to be a few things here I have observed 1) Narcissistic traits of your husband and an inflated sense of self importance 2) lack of communication 3) tension

Do you like each other?

How long have you been married? Has this been the dynamic all along, and if not, how long ago did it start?

It does sound like you to have lost an emotional connection. I don't know if it's worth reconnecting if he doesn't care enough about you to be caring toward you like spouse should be doing. Is that your only regularly occurring argument? If not, what other the other arguments about?

You could each fill out pieces of folded paper with an activity on it and put them in a bowl, and one of you pick out a paper to see which one won out for your day off together.

Does he do anything at all to make you feel special/make your life easier? Do you have any sense there is a different root of the problem which he's angry about, but is just finding insignificant things to rant about? A bigger picture might be helpful for getting better advice.

Any thing stopping you jumping in the car to go shopping during the hours that dh was at home and not using the car?

I still don't understand why there wasn't a conversation about this. I mean, this sort of day off wouldn't automatically make me assume we were going to do anything special with it. Why did he think there should be some kind of day out involved?