I can see how abusive he is now

[whatisforteamum]

I've been on MN for years.Everyone told me to ltb.
I wanted us to stay together and manage with getting both dcs through school.
Fast forward now they are adults and thriving independently.
I still get most of my joy from work.Dh grunts more than communicates.Stonewalls me and we generally have separate lives rooms meals etc.
He went away to adult DDS to help with DIY.
I stayed to work and look after pets.
He returns tired.Picked me up from work as a one off.Nice to my colleagues chatty.gets in the car moaning.
We get home and I said give me your washing.
He erruptted shove a broom up my arse!!
After a lovely break I can see what an abusive arse he really is.
He never apologies.Thinks this is a justified response.
I dream of living alone and probably have the funds for it.
Anyone decided this after 40 years together.

Leave.

The last straw has waved itself in your face.

Do it. Leave the bastard. Don't waste another second of your life on him.

Leave. Don't waste the rest of your life living like this.

I hope you didn't do his washing, OP

No washing is untouched.His response was shove a broom up my f...king arse.
He knows I hate swearing.
He could have said I will put it in the machine and grab some sleep.
I was only going to help as he had been doing physical work that I can't do for DD.
No way to speak to your wife.Ive been painting our house in preparation for his brother visiting next month.
I maybe at work that day not cooking as planned.....

He's a proper charmer and no mistake.
Stop doing things for him.
What's the point.

leave - find a new place. In the meantime move into the spare bedroom and file for divorce. Why waste another day of your life being miserable?

Cancel the brother. Bag the washing and put it in H's car. Tell him to go to his brother's and stay there until you've had communication with your legal people about your upcoming divorce.

I've just said this on another thread, we don't get to redo this one life, and he is aggressively unlovingly wasting yours.

His brother is really nice and charming.He is coming to meet up with our DD and DS who live 100 s of miles away.
Still I don't have to be here.Or tidy the garden.
I was looking forward to it but dh isn't happy to help with the food and drinks.Hard work.

I'm in my own room.Have been 20 years or more.

You’ve been in your own room for 2 decades?
There is a big difference between sleeping in another due to snoring etc but it sounds like you live separately.
Whats the point? Why are you wasting your life like this?

God woman what the hell are you doing with your life!

Go, buy a nice flat and don’t look back

What do your children think of your life? Do they know what's been going on for 20 years??

Why are you still there? You are living with an angry man who grunts at you and treats you like a maid. Work should not be the greatest source of joy.

Get yourself a nice little apartment and start enjoying a peaceful happy life.

You told him to give you his washing and in response he said, "Shove a broom up your fucking arse"???

As previously. LTB.

Are you going to do anything or carry on as you are and then post again the next time he pisses you off? You sound complacent to me. If you want to go now is surely your chance, children have left. Sod the brother,sod the washing. No clue why you would offer to do that for him if you're living separate lives.

This covers it.

Why are you still there?

You only have one life. One.

The best time to leave would have been years ago. The second-best time is now.

I didn't think I could get a new place alone.
I also don't know anyone in RL besides my aging dm and dcs.
Aquantancies yes.Friends no.

Well you've not got any friends in your home so what's the difference?

Non.
Technically I could move to somewhere cheaper.

You’ll be no worse off by being without him you can join groups etc