Advice on relationship ending

[Seaofgreen]

A little advice please. Me and my partner have 2 kids, both young (5 and under) the relationship has always been rocky with him constantly falling out with me. I would get stressed regularly about upsetting him which i would do frequently.
He used to give me the silent treatment and i would end up an emotional wreck to try and resolve things. It got to the point where i shut down, i wasnt attentive to him, i wasnt excited or physically attentive i was just exhausted from looking after the kids and our constant stress. It came to the point where i felt like the relationship was really toxic and affecting my mental health so i started seeing s therapist. She told me what i was dealing with was emotional abuse so i left the relationship, i have struggled greatly since.

I have tried to talk but he is just angry at me and now says he “knows what he wants and doesn’t think i can give it to him”, we ended up selling the family home which honestly i never thought it would get this far, all i wanted was him to see how he was being as i already knew i shut down as a partner. I deeply love him so now whenever i reach out emotionally which is often he is still just angry, he has emotionally shut me out and all i wonder is if he has met someone new and how il cope and move on.
I try and focus on my kids and being a good mum but it consumes me with sadness. All i wanted was a family and a husband but he never married me. Any advice to get me through this. I am the bad person apparently and i have destroyed everything by leaving.

You love him? Why? He sounds like a toxic knob

unfortunately i do. Trauma bond maybe

Ask yourself why you love someone who treats you like shit and is abusive? It sounds like you are begging for scraps when you should be valuing yourself more. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is kind, who treats you well, who delights in spending time with you. He is nasty and cruel and you are well rid of him.

What is your housing situation now? Are you working? Is he having the children on a regular basis?

You need to stop "reaching out emotionally" and only have discussions about co-parenting. I imagine your therapist thought the issues were too egregious to suggest that you two try marriage counseling. If the co-parenting situation is creating a toxic environment for the kids if he is treating you poorly in front of them, do seek mediation to resolve that problem.

Keep on with therapy. Otherwise, your man-picker will remain broken.

He refused couples therapy when we were together and said he “wasn’t interested”. So far its ok with the kids and we have set days. Its me that is finding it difficult. I actually stopped therapy as it was on the NHS and you only get so many sessions. I will try and find a new one.

I am living with family, he sees the kids and wants them 50% . He seems to have disconnected from me completely despite me being the one who had to leave, i am finding it hard to detach

It is a trauma bond.

It is painful, but it will get better. Are you still seeing your therapist?

Reduce contact with him, stop engaging with him, keep interaction to arrangements for the dc only - consider using a co-parenting app instead.

How long for it to get better, its been six months and im still struggling daily even when i hardly contact him anymore

What do you do in your free time when he has the children? Do you have friends you can have a fun outing with? Do you exercise? Do you have a hobby? If those things are lacking, make a change and get passionate about a new hobby, reconnecting with friends or establish new friendships with a social hobby.

If you grouse about him to friends, it's probably time to stop that as speaking about him is keeping him on your mind too often.

You could also go to the library and choose some books on how to move on after divorce. Take care.