Gosh, I never expected so many replies, thank you all. And I hadn't anticipated the level of interest in the Moussaka incident ( I realise I've made it sound like a bad attempt at a title for a Richard Osman book...)
I'm sure it won't live up to expectations, but I'm happy to share. It was quite a few years ago, but the story is this;
Bob and I had been in the village where we live for about a year and a half and it was nice having the peace and quiet, but sometimes I struggled to find cultural or interesting things that were close by. Anyway, I found out a group were planning a Greek evening somewhere close by. So I signed us up. I told Bob about this, but of course, he did his usual trick of lending me half a deaf ear, but somewhere something got lost in translation because he misheard or mistook Moussaka for Bouzouki. He's very into music ( Me not so much) so I think he just heard what he wanted to.
Anyway, he texted his friend Eddie and said something along the lines of 'I'm looking forward to seeing them play the Moussaka tonight.'
Now, Eddie, realised what had happened (He was going along with his wife) and, as he's a bit of a wind-up merchant, sent him a message back saying something like; 'Yes, I hear they're some of the finest Moussaka players in England. Then added; But I'm glad the buffet is all English.'
Now, Bob has never had an expansive palate when it comes to food, and that's fine. But now he thinks he's getting Greek Music and English food.
So, we arrive at the venue and, when the man took our names, we were ushered to some seats at the front. The young man seemed very happy to see us, but I just assumed they were glad people had turned up.
Suddenly Eddie plonked himself down and, with a grin as broad as it was stupid nudged Bob and said; 'I hope you're hungry lad.'
Bob was non-plussed, but then he started to look around and noticed that there was a table with food so, he got up to have a look. I was getting a little bit uneasy with Eddie's joviality, then Bob came back and hissed 'It's all flippin Greek!'
I asked what he meant and he pointed to Eddie and said, he told me the music was Greek, but the food was English. I said 'What music?' I don't know if I can describe the look on his face but it was like watching a Space Hopper wilt.
'I've forgone my bloody egg and chips for this!' Bob said.
'Don't worry, lad, you won't go hungry, I've signed you up.' said Eddie.
At this point I just wanted to go home.
'Signed me up for what?'
'You're judging the best Moussaka.' Eddie said, and honestly I felt like a stroke would be a welcome relief.
And sure enough, five people had made Moussaka's and suddenly Bob was called up. Honestly, it was like a bad dream. I wanted to get up, but I just felt glued to my chair. The people all seemed so lovely and welcoming, and now this, it was like some horrible travesty, like if Lassie had been asked to judge the Great British Bake Off.
Eddie the Idiot (As he's now known) grabbed Bob's elbow and ushered him up. I just curled up inside and hoped to god he wouldn't say or do something stupid. They put a fork in his hand and he stood there like Worzel Gummidge having an aneurysm.
Watching him take that first mouthful was like seeing an advert for children who have no clean water in their village. Honestly, my heart broke. But to his eternal credit, he ate, nodded, moved on...five times. All the while spluttering out words like 'Interesting'....'dense' and.....'flavoursome'. At one point he went blank for a minute, then came back with 'piping hot'.
In the end, he picked one, I can't remember which, and the woman who had made it looked pleased. And that was that. It was utterly awful, and Moussaka has become a dirty word in the house.
Anyway that's the story.
Sorry, if it wasn't quite what you were expecting.