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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice for an older man trying to leave abusive marriage

5 replies

wrongthinker · 07/07/2026 19:13

Can anyone give me some advice here? My friend's dad (68) is married to an absolute shitwitch. She has been trying to separate him from his (adult) kids and his grandkids for a while now. She constantly tells him he's ugly and disgusting. Last weekend she called the police and accused him of abusing her because he made a joke about her false teeth. This morning she woke him up by pouring water on him and calling him a fuckwit. My friend has been speaking with him a lot and trying to support him but they live 3 hours apart so it's not easy. She can't text him, because his wife takes his phone and reads all his messages, so they can only talk on the phone when he calls her.

He has always worked with kids and young people so he's seen abuse but it's hard for him to admit it's happening to him. He wants to end the marriage but his wife is telling him he won't get anything from a house sale. She has been financially abusing him for a number of years. He's retired (68), she's still working (57-ish).

I've found a helpline number for men who are victims of domestic abuse and my friend's going to call and get some advice. Is there anything more she or I can be doing to help him get safely out of the situation? Anyone with experience of this? The abuse is escalating.

OP posts:
Lovelyview · 07/07/2026 22:10

Sounds awful. I think calling the helpline sounds like a good idea. Hope he gets out.

wrongthinker · 07/07/2026 22:33

Thank you, I appreciate that. I guess calling the helpline is probably the best thing and I really hope they can help.

OP posts:
Itiswhysofew · 07/07/2026 23:03

I know Relationships gets a lot of traffic, but you could post this on the Dadsnet forum as well and see what happens there.

mensadviceline.org.uk/

Has he had therapy/counselling to help him work things out? He needs to make a note all the abuse for future reference and see a divorce solicitor ASAP. Even visit his GP for advice and so that it's on record.

She can't dictate what he will get in a divorce settlement. Is their home in joint ownership?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/dadsnet

Dadsnet | Parenting Forum For Dads | Mumsnet

Join our dads forum and discuss everything related to life as a father. Talk about family life, being a single dad, relationships, dating and more.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/dadsnet

wrongthinker · 09/07/2026 16:44

Oh thanks for that - that's a good idea to post over there.

OP posts:
ForPinkDuck · 09/07/2026 16:54

He needs to get his ducks in a row. He needs doccuments of all their financial info if he choses to divorce also passport etc. Also he needs to consider does he want to leave the home or does he want her to leave? the advise line will help him make an exit plan.

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