NC because you just never know who's watching 👀
At every family event, my MIL has been condescending, cruel, toxic and belittling to me, my DH, my DC and FIL.
Without going into outing details, having to spend time with her has been taking a huge mental toll on me. I have already been a no-show to a few annual get togethers and I'm trying to remove myself, as much as possible, from seeing her at all, where possible.
We have an annual celebration we always invite her to but, due to her behaviour, I want to opt out of inviting her this year. This makes me and DH sad, because FIL is such a nice person and he doesn't deserve to be excluded, but MIL and FIL come as a package (which makes sense) so there is not another option.
Even though she is how she is, she's almost 80 years old, so I don’t want to be mean or have a confrontation. There's no point, in my mind, in making her see how bad her behaviour is because, when confronted, challenged or even gently approached about the things she says and does and how they make others feel, she makes things insanely dramatic and becomes the victim instead of acknowledging that she's the problem.
So, would it be a good idea to tell her we are cancelling this year due to work or some other reason?
If she pushes for details, what’s a polite but firm reason we can give that shuts down any back and forth without sounding cruel? She loves to control things, so I'm sure she will try to suggest alternate dates etc to be "helpful" but it's not happening.
Further to this, I don't know how to not give her false hope that we'll be reinstating this get together next year.
It's over and I just want to be firm but as kind as possible.