New partners snoring is putting me off them

[FlyingBeGoat]

I’ve seeing some for about 9 months now- and everything is good apart from my partners snoring- it’s so loud I don’t sleep when we stay over together, at the beginning it was fine- but now we are seeing each other more often - I’m almost feeling a bit sleep deprived sometimes, we are both in our 50’s , I’m quite fit - they are overweight ( their words ), we recently had a holiday together and I was absolutely knackered after it !

this is starting to become an issue for me and I’m really sure how to broach it with out causing offence

any advice would be welcome

My DH snored terribly when we met. It is easier with men I think (less sensitive maybe, especially about weight), but he did turn out to have sleep apnea. 25 years later he still is fine. It can be really dangerous so if it's that she does need to get it sorted out. The main sign is long pause where the person is not breathing, then the huge snore/breath. The lack of oxygen does harm which builds up, as I understand it.

@cordeliavorkosigan could you tell me what cured your husband's snoring?

He actually got surgery to remove his tonsils, lost weight and has kept it off since. ( By stopping eating the astronomical amounts that very young men can eat, which he was in the habit of.. he was probably 1-2 stone overweight and is tall) They talked about the cpap but that's a hard choice for someone in his 20s, and surgery was right in his case.

Sending sympathy. Snoring is torture.

There are free snoring apps that record snoring instances throughout the night. My ex didn't believe how loudly or how often he snored until he heard himself and saw the chart on his phone.

I laid the law down with mine on this - it is better now due to some weight loss and a device he sticks in his nostrils. But occasionally when it’s bad I sleep in the guest room and I’m not shy about telling him loudly what I’m doing and why.

My DH snores so we have separate bedrooms even on holiday. It's not great tbh and expensive!

Snoring is terrible, but I have sympathy for the snorer IF they are doing everything they can NOT to snore (eg. keeping fit and eating healthily to lose weight). In this case, I can highly recommend Loop sleep earplugs for the snorer's partner. It's not an understatement to say that they've transformed by life. But that's not the question you asked.
How to broach the issue of snoring? With love, kindness and sympathy, to try and encourage an open discussion and to minimise the risk of defensiveness. Then you'll have to see how this goes down and if any action is taken to address the issue. Good luck.

Separate bedrooms?

If everything else is great than just agree to sleep in separate bedrooms. Problem solved.

I snore really badly…only just been told by new partner! I’m mortified!! I’ve made an appointment with my GP (wasn’t an easy task…and there’s a three week wait!) but I’m hoping for a referral for a sleep lab. Hopefully your partner will do the same 👌🏻

Broach it as a health concern because it is one. I googled load snoring and encouraged a doctors visit. Turns out he had a serious issue. Load snoring that keeps you awake isn’t normal.

Can you recommemd one?

@FlyingBeGoat does she realise how bad it is? Theres an app called snorelab which records you, I was horrified when I used it.

You don’t need to mention weight as snoring can be caused by many issues (poor dental work as a teen for example). Just say about the snoring. She needs a gp appt to deal with any medical issues. Short term nose strips and anti histamines can help.