Would it be unreasonable to ask my separated husband to join us on holiday

[pboothpbooth]

Husband and I separated about 5 months ago. We are still in contact albeit logistics only almost daily for the kids.

I don’t really know who ended it, we hadn’t been getting along for a long time and it all just came to a head. Both of us probably said let’s end it in he heat of the moment. We lived in separate rooms for a couple of months. He eventually rented a flat and moved out.

i was offered an apartment in France for a month at a really fair rate and i am now here with my two younger kids. Having been full of confidence before we came now we are one week in I am feeling lost, lonely, bereft, having to hide so the kids don’t see me bursting into tears.

I miss him and I wish he was here with us. For me, for him, for the kids.

the kids are being great so that’s not the issue. It’s really hot and the days are long. Yes I could come home early but I’ve been paying this off monthly and spent my savings on it all flights and spending money. The lids would be sad to go home.

what I am asking is, it’s it completely crazy to ask him if he wants to join us? I’m aware the answer might be no.

I feel like I will need to give in and go home if we have 3 moire weeks here just us. Am I just irrational?

You do not need to give up and you do not need him. Be kind to yourself and also a little bit stern. You are in a beautiful place and showing your lovely kids a great time.

The emotional phase will pass, go forwards through it, and you will come out the other side happier all round.

This is helpful to hear thank you. I think deep down I know the reality wouldn’t work out the way im imaginj h it

I'd probably be slightly less harsh than other commenters, but I would say you've only been there a week. A week in this situation is nothing. Of course your nervous system is a mess. It's a lot to be dealing with all at once.

I agree with others and think you're grieving and thinking what might have been. There's nothing stopping you holidaying as friends though.
Are you in regular contact with him? Do you think he would like to be there with you or at least with the DC? I think you could test the water. Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.

It's going to be a bit of culture shock in terms of being abroad and not having a partner with you. Plus the build up to it has been long and expensive so it's hard for it to live up to expectation.

Just do easy things that the kids will love and take it gently for a couple of days. You'll get into the swing of things.

You're doing great, the kids are having fun, they'll have great memories of this. Take lots of pictures.

Don't get him involved, it might get messy and confusing for everyone.

I think you are experiencing a mix of emotions from realising you are on your own plus building this holiday up in your head about how wonderful it was going to be and the reality not quite matching up.

If you did ask your ex to come out it’s because you want him there NOW, but, he probably wouldn’t be able to drop everything and be there tomorrow. By the time he did get there in a week or so, you’d be in the holiday groove and would resent him intruding.

Why do people do this? Pick holes rather than answer the question. Its massively besides the point and none of your business. They could be home Ed. Or privately educated or live in Scotland. What does it matter? It’s a pointless judgemental distraction 🙄

personally I think it’s very brave to go away for a whole month and I’m not surprised you are having a wobble. Holidays often bring up stuff to the surface as people have time and space to think. If you missed him before the holiday and genuinely think there is a positive future with him, he could come for a weekend? Just to talk in a fresh environment away from hum drum life?

Yes.

You are either separated or your not.

Don't confuse the kids.