Is it reasonable to keep living together briefly after separating?

[Staceybeak]

Hi all,

Ive decided to leave my partner of 10 years. We have 3 children together and we both own the house. Is it weird for him to be still living in the same house for a while, even though we’d not be together? Just until we decide how to do things. It’s also our sons birthdays in the next month or so and then they’re starting a new school year so trying to be as least disruptive as I can!

thank you xxx

You have to do what works best for you and your family.
What are the reasons for the separation? Does he want to move out. Or is he being difficult?

Realistically very few people can afford to find somewhere else to live, furnish it and move out immediately, I think it’s fairly normal to need time to plan. Even where there’s abuse in the relationship it’s very hard to decide to separate and then just go.

Why would not wanting to move out be him being difficult? She's the one who wants to end the relationship?

Separated but living in same house here. Only 3 months in but it’s okay. It’s a learning curve. Every now and then I’m like ‘is this madness?’ but I remember we’re all okay and there’s a rapist living in The White House so our situation ain’t so strange. No plans for either to move or date. Have adult sn kids we’re both still involved with so it’s just one day at a time. We all have a dark sense of humour, that’s REALLY helping.

Yes of course. You need to decide on who is going to stay in the house and whether 50:50
childcare

I'm doing this. It's hard but you need boundaries, ie what spaces are yours and what you are going to do re meals with the kettle ds, housework etc. It's rare to be able to just separate immediately. We'd have to sell our house. It's taking me long enough just to get rid of all our junk to have enough space never mind into a fit state to sell it and find 2 other properties.

It's not a case of reasonable or unreasonable. It's what works best for the family. Some people can tick along ok with it and others can't.

ExH and I stayed in the same house for 6 months after deciding the marriage was over. It seemed sensible as it meant we could both save a bit of money before having to fund 2 homes instead of 1. By month 4 it was a bit like living in a pressure cooker, even though we had an amicable split and still liked each other as friends.

Do what's best for you.

Well it's his house just as much as it's yours. So you can't force him to leave. Seeing as you're the one that's ended the relationship, if you can't bear being in the same house until the financials are sorted, then you should be the one to move out. But harsh to finish with him and then kick him out of his own home.

It's not weird, why would he move out? The house will have to be sold, or one of you buys the other out.
Will you be able to afford a house by yourself?