Partner missed family day out through drinking

[1ronspaa]

WWYD?

Me, my partner and our 2 kids had a day out/ event planned for weeks which I had booked tickets for as was really looking forward to. The night before partner attends leaving drinks (not a regular occurrence) and promises to not over do (only one or two) and be back by midnight as we would all need to be up at a reasonable time to leave the next day for the ticketed event. He comes home far later than that having had about 9 drinks and having left vomit on our toilet, then in the morning of course he says he is too ill (hungover) to go.

I took the kids to the event on my own (kids disappointed that dad didn’t come) and came back and he is now grumpy at me because I haven’t forgiven him for his actions pretty much straight away.

I’ve sent him to take his son out for a walk as I cba with him right now. Wtf do I do? He thinks that everything is fine and dandy, I obviously don’t feel that way.

Relationship itself is sometimes strained due to opposite shifts, children and general life stresses but we normally get along fine and he doesn’t often go out drinking but he has lied to my face and I’m pretty angry.

No doubt you'll get loads of people telling you to ditch the bastard, personally if it's a one off I think a telling off will suffice

as a one off I’d let it go. What’s the alternative? Break up a family over it? It’s up to you OP. Some will say be mad, some will say don’t be mad but you can’t help how you feel. I would expect him to make it up to you and the kids though

I'd say to him calmly, 'You let both me and the kids down really badly by your behaviour last night and I'm cross about it. It's immature to drink so much that you come home vomiting and too hungover to join in a trip that had been planned for some time. Forgiveable in a 19 year old - not so much in a father of two aged (insert correct age). If this happens again I will be rethinking the relationship because this is not the sort of shit I tolerate more than once'.

Of course now that he is back he has now bought me flowers and is grovelling - better than nothing I suppose

If it’s a truly isolated incident, be angry, let him know you are angry, then let it go.

As a one off, then put it down
to being disappointed.

He needs to apologise to the children as well.

I would be furious and if he’s a bit of a shit in other ways, I would be reconsidering if this is what I wanted for me and the kids going forward.

I’d dump him, it’s only going to happen again.

he’s mad at you because you’re not happy with his slovenly behaviour? Run

Please don't say you cleaned his mess up

I hope he cleared up his vomit.

Apology flowers mean bugger all as does grovelling. He should not be able to buy you off with such things.

I would seriously consider your relationship with him now. He is not setting a good example to his children.

If DH had done the same I wouldn’t have allowed him to disappoint the kids by skipping out on the event, I’d have told him to suck it up and come.

You say he doesn't often go out drinking, but I'm just wondering if you're normalizing what isn't typical because you're used to it. You work opposing shifts. Do you know if drinks daily at home? If so, how much? And how often does he go out drinking per year, and who does he meet up with at the bar? Because 9 drinks is really excessive, and be unlikely behavior for a person who doesn't drink daily.

If his drinking becomes, or already is, something that's affecting the family, including the inability to drive in emergencies like if a child needs to be brought to the emergency room or picked up from school if your husband is inebriated, then it's time for action. You could first tell him you're attending a meeting for loved ones of alcoholics to show him the seriousness of the matter. If you did that, you will be given what your next steps should be at that meeting.

Who cleaned up the vomit? If he didn't, but left it for you, the situation is fzr more problematic.

There seem to be a lot of selfish parents who won't prioritise family days out now. As it's the first time, I'd let it go, but if it becomes regular I'd not be happy.

It's not a regular occurrence and he has acknowledged his mistake and is grovelling. We all mess up sometimes.

But don't accept him being grumpy at you to try to transfer the blame. This was all on him and you all have the right to be disappointed.

No it’s not better than nothing. Are you really the sort of person that lets themself and their kids get treated like crap but accepts it’s ok if some flowers get bought? Do flowers make up for the kids disappointment? Do flowers reproduce the lost memory of a family day out?

If it’s a one off I’d let it go. People make mistakes and mess up all the time. He needs to take you and the kids out to make up for it but I wouldn’t personally make too much of a deal out of it. He’s screwed up and he knows it.

Both DP and I have done this once or twice over the course of the last 20 years. It's hardly the end of the world unless it's a regular occurrence.

I'd get him to clean the bathroom.