Bipolar men anyone had any experience?

[Yasmin27]

Hi guys I’m suspecting my fiancé is bipolar. Has anyone been in a relationship with a bipolar guy or know what to look for? Also if anyone has gone through it is there any point in staying or is it all downhill? Any advice or knowledge would help a lot thanks.

Presumably he's not diagnosed? What makes you think he has bipolar disorder?

Yes and it's destroyed his life, my life and our son's life.
A bipolar diagnosis is hard to get until he has a major episode. It's usually when psychosis sets in and there's a hospitalisation.
Bipolar is very tricky for someone in the grips of it to seek help for. This is due to the fact that there is a massive detachment from reality and lack of insight, why would they seek help when they consider themselves perfectly healthy? There's a euphoria which comes with the high, that actually makes taking medication unappealing and the experience, at the time quite enjoyable. The aftermath is something else though, when reality sets in, there are lost jobs, devastated children and broken relationships.
This was my experience of it anyway.
It has been frightening at times and no amount of my talking, persuasion or talking to his team made any difference.
There are some very helpful Facebook groups - one in particular for partners of those with bipolar, lots of support and understanding but ultimately, in my experience, yes, I think it gets worse.
It's a terrible illness and I just pray all the time that my little son never develops it.
I read that 90% of marriages where someone has bipolar end in divorce, I thought that we could be one of the 10% if he would only comply with medication, counselling etc, but there's been cheating, betrayal, things said and done and I'm feeling far more peaceful with him living away.

I suspect it as he has extreme mood swings. He goes from being very happy and talkative to extremely down and angry. Just feel as though he has a different personality daily it’s exhausting

Of course it's exhausting and it will get even more exhausting as you age. If he's bipolar he can't be "cured". You need to go into this with your eyes wide open OP.

Mood swings in bipolar usually last weeks or months. If he has a different personality every day I would look at other mental health issues as it is unlikely to be bipolar.

Bipolar disorder is characterised by extreme mood shifts that last many weeks/ months. Not days.

Yep. Been married to someone with this condition for 36 years, 3 adult children. He didn't have his first major episode until we were a few years in. Would I have married him had I known it was a risk? Hard to say. He's had a few major episodes, and they are a total pain in the arse when they occur, and he is horrible to live with at the time. Last one had significant financial impact. But the vast majority of the time you wouldn't have a clue, and he's a lovely husband. I have his permission to contact the doctors as soon as there's a sniff of an episode (this is recorded). But lithium does the job for most of the time. I think having a stable family life helps keep him stable too - but I'm not his carer. I'm his wife in a very ordinary marriage. I bet most marriages have something that needs dealing with.

never again im my experience:
they think “im fine im going to stop taking my meds” they dont realise it’s the meds that is making them fine.

they stop. then they change and become nasty. but tell you it’s you not them unril youre suicidal. you may not know they are off the meds. just that they are horrible. you try to do more. please them because you love them. they are still nasty. you dont understand why. or what to do to fix it. they just suddenly turn on you so angry.

eventually you separate.

they realise too late for whatever reason that they need the meds and take them again.

They become nice but by then youre a broken husk of yourself and just cannot take them back no matter how perfect it used to be back in the day when they were medicated as you just cannot get over how they treated you. the thought of them in your home again is too much.

never again.

of course yours might be different.
you can try and ask him if he’s ever come off his meds and what happened each time he did. what relationships suffered each time. He may think none of i dont know if youll get a balanced account if he’s as gaslighty as my ex….

Also he's retired now, but had a regular job the whole time (with occasional sick leave).

This is NOT bipolar. This is just what the public totally misunderstands about this serious mental illness. There are other diagnoses it could be, eg EUPD.
Bipolar used to be called manic depression and I think people understood that better because sometimes the person is manic… and sometimes they are depressed. Over a period of weeks or months. Not changing every hour or so.
He’s a moody sod so just leave him but don’t go round telling people it’s bipolar when it’s not.

I'm in my 2nd marriage to someone who is diagnosed with bipolar. We have been together for nearly 20 years.
He was diagnosed in his late 40's and became known as an expert patient with his GP as he recognised early on when he needed support or assistance with his medication.
The majority of our time together has been manageable with lows and high moods.
4 years ago things started to change and I had to take a long hard look at our future as things went downhill and we nearly divorced.
If I was young I think I would run away.
I love my husband but detest bipolar disorder.

I said bipolar as a psychiatric diagnosed him. He wasn’t satisfied with that so he got a second opinion with another who said it wasn’t and he needed anger management. I studied psychology at A level so I knew a bit of background and I also suspected bipolar it wasn’t just random

Bipolar moods don’t shift day to day. They last weeks or months.

Why do you think he has bipolar disorder?

It might be bipolar disorder, it might be cyclothymia https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/cyclothymia/, a milder form of mood swings, or it might be some other diagnosis.

That's something for the mental health staff to determine.

What is important for you, OP, is whether or not you want to live like this since imo it's very unlikely to change.

As he behaves strangely for example he will say something then hours later say the opposite. He also gets extremely angry and goes silent or extremely happy and can’t stop talking. Either loves me so much or can’t stand me. Also he was diagnosed by a psychiatrist but he didn’t accept it and took a second opinion. He was put on several medications and was fine on them but then he was convinced there was nothing wrong and stopped them, now he’s back to the strange behaviour again. He was never like this or he had managed to hide it from me I’m not sure

Psychology at A Level in no way equips you with the tools or insight to comment on whether you think someone has a mental health condition like Bipolar Disorder.

Again. That doesn’t sound like bipolar disorder. And I say that as someone who was diagnosed over 20 years ago.

That doesn’t sound like bipolar disorder.

Sounds more likely EUPD (formerly borderline personality disorder), attachment disorder etc.

Remember you don’t have to be with him, a partner should improve and complement your life. Make sure take your own wellbeing and happiness seriously.

Borderline Personality Disorder?

Having an A level in psychology does not give you a full insight into the complexity of diagnosis and getting one. However, if a psychologist has diagnosed your partner with this, yet he is unwilling to accept that, and had a second opinion, perhaps get a third opinion? Either way, a relationship like that is going to be a roller coaster. Nothing you can say or do or learn to avoid the ups and downs. Was married to one and it took my years to recover from that relationship.

Yes bipolar experience here and all though there are two versions 1 and 2 this does not resonate with either. The moods are days/weeks not hours and minutes.

Whether he has any mental illness or not, he is not husband material OP. For God's sake don't marry him.

Whatever is going on, if he's refusing medication that's a bad sign. My first relationship was with a guy who was bipolar but he did take his medication so he was basically fine the whole time we were together.

My husband has bipolar II. I wouldn’t have got involved had we known back then. It’s took a lot of pain to get to where we are now .

Yes thanks knowing what I know now I’ve decided to end it. This has come on suddenly he was totally normal up to a couple of months ago and I had no clue he had such issues. I suspect he had been on medication and suddenly stopped it hence the erratic behaviour now. The worst part is he refuses to accept he has a problem so I can’t continue forward unfortunately.

Yes totally agree he’s refusing any help at all so I will have to end it unfortunately