Second marriage for us both. I had three gorgeous boys from my first unhappy marriage. He had no kids but was also also married before. Sex and connection was honestly incredibly amazing for first 17 years and started to decline towards age 40 then declined rapidly after that. I know he had a pretty negative view and often hidden opinion of 'aging' females. Despite many upsetting conversations and promises, our sex life never improved. Around 18 years ago, I first discovered a porn dvd in my work laptop when I had been away from home with some of the family. (How foolish to forget and leave it there?) His excuse was to see if he could become aroused again as impotency was what he complained of. I found this very upsetting as he was obviously no longer 'into' me but looking at other much younger females. Our sex life continued to decline and I was lucky if I had sex once in 3 months. When I tried various ways to make it happen, it would only end up with rejection and humiliation on my part when he was just not interested in it at all. Five years ago, I happened to find an old iPad and iPhone of mine (which he said he'd given to his brother) in his office drawer (WFH at the time) and when I asked for the new passwords, both were logged into porn sites as well as his own tablet. More upset, questions and assurances it would never happen again. One of the issues from the very start is that he would almost never come to bed at the same time as me preferring to watch tv and fall asleep in living room. I happened to get up one night around 0130 and he was watching porn.....anal orgy. The girls looked even younger than our 3 gorgeous daughter in laws around 18/20 years of age. I looked, said very little and walked back to bed. Next day when he went to work, I locked all the doors from the inside and told him to find alternative accommodation which he did. Three days later, I let him back with all the usual assurances of it'll never happen again bla bla bla. The family found out about it as I was in a terrible state when my youngest son came home to collect his little dog that I look after and I blurted it out. He's ruined the image of the looked up to step-father and he's also a papa to 4 grandsons. I feel nothing but shame and humiliation and fear it's changed the relationship he once had with my now grown up sons and no doubt the DIL's too. We did have counselling and again, despite the assurances he gave to the lady we met, he's made zero effort to even get physically close let alone anything resembling sex. I'm pretty sure he's de-sensitised to what a normal aging female is and can only get his kicks from porn and very young women. Am I an idiot to stay with this man? To the outside world, one would think we're absolutely fine but I'm deeply hurt inside forever.