Have we drifted apart since having our baby?

[Penahn95]

My partner and I have a beautiful son who was born last summer. Ever since our baby was born, I feel like we’ve become distant with each other. My partner has a very busy job, so isn’t home much. He comes home late every night and has never been very hands on with our son. He was EBF until I started weaning so I appreciate my partner couldn’t help with that, but I feel like he’s very selfish and only thinks about himself.

We never spend any time together as a family, and when we do, he’s always more interested in being with other people than he is with me and our child. We don’t sleep in the same bed because he snores so loudly and I’m co-sleeping with our child.

We haven’t been intimate for a very long time, I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive anymore and like we’ve really drifted apart since having our baby. I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried talking to him but nothing has changed. I also find my MIL extremely hard work since having our son.

That sounds so tough. You mentioned that you’ve tried talking to him already. Do you think you could start putting some boundaries in place?
You don’t have to tolerate this just because you have a son. If anything, it’s even more important that your son grows up seeing what a healthy, respectful relationship looks like.
If your partner has checked out of the relationship, then he needs to either step up and work on it or let you step away so you can build a happy life with the loving, supportive partner you deserve.
🌸

How long were you together before having your child? How did he treat you like a priority before having your son? Can you give details of what your MIL is doing? Does she live with you?

Does your partner have any days off? Is there a family member who can watch your child at least once a month so you can have a date day or night with your partner? That's important, as with children, they become a main focus so it takes a lot of effort to keep couple time.

You also need some time to yourself and a break, so on one of your partner's days off, you should go out with a gf and any sort of solo time. Maybe when your partner cares for your child on his own, he will develop a stronger bond with him.

If those changes don't improve anything, since you have a child together, I'd insist on couple's counseling. Maybe a professional can get through to him when you've been unable to. If he's unwilling, be honest and tell him you can't see yourself living a lonely and unfulfilling life so he needs to decide to put in effort or pay custody since the partnership will have to be dissolved.