TL;DR: I stayed in a nearly two-year relationship I never really wanted because I felt guilty and unable to say no. Years later, the guy I like told me I shouldn't describe it as manipulation because I could have left at any time. I'm trying to understand whether what I experienced was emotional manipulation or if I'm viewing it incorrectly.
When I was 16, one of my school friends told me he liked me and wanted to be in a relationship. I liked him as a friend, but I didn't have romantic feelings for him. I kept saying no for about 24 hours because I didn't want to date him.
However, he kept insisting, saying things like, "What could go bad?" and "We'll only see each other at school anyway." Eventually, I agreed—not because my feelings had changed, but because I didn't want to lose the friendship or make things awkward at school. At the time, I thought there wasn't much to lose since we'd only see each other at school and message on Facebook.
About ten days into the relationship, he told me he loved me. I told him honestly that I didn't feel the same and couldn't say "I love you" back because it wouldn't be true. He became extremely upset, cried, stopped eating, and reacted in a way that made me feel responsible for how he was feeling. I felt guilty, and eventually I said, "I love you too," even though I didn't actually feel that way.
As the relationship continued, there were constant messages, intimate conversations, and sexting. I never initiated those conversations, but I participated because I felt like I couldn't say no. I believed that since I had agreed to be in a relationship, refusing those things wasn't really an option.
Around ten months into the relationship, he started suggesting physical intimacy, like kissing. I even asked, "What if I say no?" He replied that he would be disappointed and questioned why I would refuse after we'd been together for so long. From that point on, I genuinely felt like saying no wasn't an option. I believed that refusing would only hurt or disappoint him, so I kept agreeing to things I didn't genuinely want.
This continued for about two years. When school ended, I finally had enough distance to end the relationship, and I told him I didn't want to continue.
It's been a few years, but today the guy I really like told me that it's questionable how I stayed in a relationship I didn't want for so long. He said I shouldn't describe my ex's behavior as manipulation. Instead, he thinks I should simply say that I didn't like my ex very much and didn't really want to do many of the things we did. According to him, it doesn't make sense to call it manipulation because my ex had nothing to blackmail me with, and I could have ended the relationship at any time.
My question is: Has my understanding of that relationship been incorrect all these years?
I'm not trying to excuse my own actions or avoid responsibility. I also felt bad for him, and I never saw him as a bad person. To me, he was someone who genuinely wanted to be loved by me, but I simply couldn't return those feelings.
At the same time, I know my actions hurt him. Staying in the relationship when I didn't feel the same, telling him I loved him when I didn't, and going along with things out of guilt rather than genuine desire were unfair to him. I still feel guilty about that.
A few months after we broke up, I reached out to apologize. Out of guilt, I also offered to stay friends, but he said no. I respected his decision and never pushed the issue.