I’ve been with my boyfriend 7 years and we have a 12 week old baby together. Since our baby being born we’ve been arguing a lot I know this can be normal with tiredness and emotions but it’s getting to the point where I feel unsure if something I say will cause an argument. He can be sensitive and defensive (I have been too), which is very much like his parents, and has been drinking which doesn’t help the situation.
Last week we had a big argument, he had been at work 6-2 and on his way home said he was going to meet a friend for a beer. He came back at 6pm and I was a bit annoyed as a friend had asked if I was around to meet with the baby but I’d said no as I thought my boyfriend would be at home. This was on me for not communicating this at first but we got into a huge row and he ended up calling me a lunatic, saying I wasn’t right in the head. I’ve previously had anxiety/depression so this hit me harder than it should have. He apologised the next day and we left it.
we still continue to argue over the silliest things, like I’d put the baby down to sleep and shortly he after said baby needed a dummy as he was awake and sucking his hands. We’d previously agreed to only give it if he was crying out so I said he didn’t really need it. This upset my boyfriend and I apologised acknowledging it was unfair of me to say that as he can make decisions too. He said he has had enough of it and he will just do the physical things, like cooking, cleaning, and shopping and having cuddles and I can do everything else. It wasn’t my intention for him to feel that way and I know that since returning to work he might’ve felt left out of the parenting side.
Physically I’ve struggled after a difficult birth which has meant I’m still recovering and had a bit of a set back the last couple of weeks limiting my physical tolerance. I feel like I’m failing in that sense. Whenever I try to do something he tells me to sit down but then seems to bring up that he’s doing all the physical work so it’s like I can’t win.
Im not sure what the answer is or if I’m just looking for reassurance that I’m not the main cause for all this upset. I don’t want our relationship to be this way and I want to be strong together for our son. Any advice welcome!