Signs your man doesn't want to be together but doesn't have the b*s to tell you!!

[jessie87]

So we've been going through a weird stage for quite some time. I'm wrecking my head trying to find ways to bring us back but it just seems to be one sided. I'm trying! Have spoke to him but he thinks its a normal hes a hard working man and a fantastic dad but theres no effort with me. I just feel he doesn’t have the balls to tell me its over and prob easier just staying together. I feel so stuck and don't want things to be over but theres just something not right. Hes never been a romantic man but I just feel he doesn’t love me anymore. Everything feels different even the way he looks at me. I feel so pathetic even writing this my heart just hurts

Usually when the man is too cowardly to end it he'll start not picking at you over really stupid shit. Trying to cause arguments when there's just no need. Basically making you question yourself because you know something's wrong but they'll swear blind there's nothing. Do you want your relationship to be over? I'd have it out with him myself. Tell him that you're not stupid and the way he's acting is showing that something is wrong so unless he wants to share with you what's up so you can work on it together then you're just going to have to split up because it's completely unfair for you to be feeling like this. Do you think he's staying with you because it's easier than if you split up?

There's silly bickering but just over silly things but nothing major, I don't want to split up were together 20 years. When hes not working he plays with the kids and then glued to titok. I've tried speaking about how I feel but he says its all me, its breaking my heart. Always chatty and laughing with family/ friends but its like he can't stand me at times. Swear if I didn't talk to him we prob wouldn't talk. Definitely easier for him staying together I do everything in the house, looking after kids and working part time.
Thank you for your reply

This makes me sad because I feel like I could have written this. I'm hoping it's just a phase but I know deep down that something has died. I'm sorry you're going through the same thing.

I'm sorry you are going through this. That's got to be hard :( Would he be open to couple's counseling? It could help you communicate with each other.

@TomrrowandtomorrowandtommorrowI'm really sorry your going through a hard time too. Sending lots of love ❤️ and I hope its just a rough patch for us all.

@fireandlighteningI'd happily do couples counselling but he wouldn't. Hes never talked about his feelings etc. Just bottles everything up.

Although theres no prob here in his eyes, doesn't even notice I'm hurting so much. Eyes are burning because I cried so hard while I was in the shower, my teenage daughter looked at me and could tell straight away, told her I used a facemask and it mustn't have agreed with my skin.

Your gut is right, future you will thank you for doing what's right and leaving before he makes your life a misery.

It made me so sad to read that @jessie87 :( Maybe find a time when it is just the two of you and tell him you are hurting, and if he has checked out, he needs to let you know, and if he hasn't, then he needs to step up? Or maybe write him a letter? How old are the children? I guess you need to see if you can salvage this, but if not, honestly it is better to be alone (and enjoy the peace, calm and freedom that goes with it) than to feel so invisibilised, lonely and hurt in a relationship.

I feel so pathetic. Running about making his favourite dinner and doing anything I can to make him happy but my head knows the truth. Wish it could be easy to let go feel like I'm begging for scraps. Swear I can't cry anymore tonight

@fireandlighteningyes I was thinking of writing a letter cause he doesn't listen when I try and tell him how I'm feeling just says its all in my head then I just leave and cry. Children are 16 14 and 9. Thank you for listening to me 💕

Maybe he feels overwhelmed by your sadness so is just avoiding a conversation? I would suggest you focus for a while on doing positive things for yourself - take a break, spa day, out for coffee with a friend, sound bath/yoga class - whatever works for you. And, when you are feeling a little more like yourself, you tell him he needs to pay attention or you will have to consider your future (and it might be without him). Have there been any big ruptures? Are you still intimate? Don't want to pry and you don't have to anwser but just trying to understand if there is a reason for the distance.

You've already told him how you feel, telling him again won't change anything. Either he's taking you for granted, in which case stop running after him, don't make him his favourite dinners or do his laundry, start going out a bit doing your own thing, whether that is going for a run, joining a sports club, meeting up with friendsbut get out and do something for yourself. Even if you don't feel like it. He needs to see that you not just there to service his life, and that yoiu are a person with your interests and your own life.
If he still isn't interested, then you haven't lost anything, and in fact might improve your confidence in readiness for a life without him.
But please don't go chasing after him, crying etc, that is not going to work as a strategy for getting him to show he cares. Start pulling away, keep your dignity and self-esteem, and either he'll start showing a bit more interest, or it will confirm your suspicions.

We are both off in a few weeks for 2 weeks so maybe that will be the telling point. Intimacy still there but definitely not how we used to be, but that was me always saying no as I felt thats the only time he tried to make any effort with me to be honest

Please stop doing this. Start to cut back on what you do for him and do more for yourself. Make yourself less available and if he notices and tries that’s good, if he doesn’t, you know the answer. It sounds like you are twisting yourself like a pretzel to make everything work and he sits back and takes no accountability. What is intimacy like, or has that died too?

Sorry I just read your last post about the intimacy. It sounds like it’s become “routine” and this is very likely that you have 3 DCs at home. I would suggest a night away but not yet, he needs to start making the moves to make you happy. Does he ever do anything nice for you?

Right now, you're letting him eat his cake and still have it.

Stop making his favourite dinner. Stop doing his laundry. If you're able to have separate bedrooms, do so and stop cleaning his.