Trying to save my relationship

[jessie87]

Hi looking for some advice please. My almost 20 year relationship feels like its ending, with work and kids its like we are room mates, it feels like theres a distance between us no chat no romance. I know he feels it too but thinks its normal. I feel like were slowly ending. How do you relight the spark? And get some excitement back. I feel i don't even know what to talk about anymore. How do you keep the love alive?

Read Gottmans books and do all the exercises together.

It's not abnormal for couples to be like this after long relationships, you can just be happy bringing up the kids and making your home, everything just feels a bit routine and non-exciting, it's pretty common to feel like that, if there is a specific connection missing then you could try all sorts of things like finding a shared interest or hobby so you have something to chat about again rather than just discussing everyday home life.

You could have date nights, cook together, go out for a few drinks, city breaks...the list goes on but everyone's different so what works for someone else might not work for the both of you. It just sounds like you need more quality time together to re-explore what brought you together in the first place.

@OMGDidYouSayThat has good suggestions but it depends what you both enjoy doing.
If you break up, do you own the house/financially independent?

I had an incredibly exciting marriage. We were both bikers, went away every weekend, camping, bike rallies, loads of other interesting hobbies and adventures but it still ended because he wanted to get into swinging and Im absolutely not doing that so he decided to throw our long marriage away.
If ours didnt survive I dont know whose would or how to find a solution.

We’re the same but we do go away for seaside breaks and that makes us happy exploring new places. Pub meals out. City breaks are good too.
life can get mundane with stresses. Canal walks are good too. Hire a boat lots going on out there ! Hire a campervan great fun

There are scratch off posters with date ideas on them - maybe buy one of those and give yourself a year to scratch them all off?

Itll make you do things you wouldn’t have thought to do before and will bring some excitement and together time back into your relationship