How long to get over childrens father after heart break

[LemonSquash02]

How long did it take you to get over father of your children if he broke your heart and did you find happiness again? It’s been 14 month I feel better but still get a bit of a sting when he meets someone and still often cry not as much but just want relief from it all to be honest

About 18 - 24 months. You will come out the other side and you will move forward and you will be happier.

@tanoshi thanks I feel better than I did but was with him like 13 year so I suppose just takes time

30 years for me. Now I'm living the dream

@tanoshi ah really that’s hopeful. I feel like I’m not in love with him but not fully detached yet

Start thinking about what you want your life to look like and slowly put things in place. Small things like having a walk everyday with a cup of coffee. Slowly build it up. New hobbies, new acquaintances, new way of thinking. Get back in touch with nature. Simple non materialistic things. Just let it all fall into place. One day you won't give the ex a second thought.

It's not easy to get over having your heart broken, especially when you share children. My best advice is to keep interaction with him to a minimum (only about the children) and try and fill your life with friends, hobbies, exercise and doing things for yourself that bring you joy. One day you will wake up and realise that you're indifferent to him. Keep going honey, you're doing well and you will get there 💐

It depends… each person is different.

I got over my ex & mother of my child after 3 months. We were together 6 years but the latter third was toxic and I think I did a lot of grieving for the relationship I had whilst still in it.

Take as much time as you need to grieve it, and remind yourself regularly that you’re better off out of it!

It's grief.

Grief for a life that didn't come to be, and grief of losing someone you thought was the right person for you, even if you're the one who left them.

I didn't have children, but it took me at least 1.5 years to even think about being with someone else without feeling upset, and 2 years to feel like I could really move on.

However, I don't think I'll ever be 'over it'. It was a massive part of my life, over a decade. I'll never 'get over' the time I wasted, the years of unhappiness, and being with someone I eventually didn't really recognise anymore.

@tanoshi thanks I was doing all that then he text me out the blue after everything he done new partner so soon moved straight in split up dating then said he regretted everything and had everything in front of him and how messed up he’s been and took to drink then said he knows how much damage he’s done so knows there is no going back and I just asked him to leave me alone. It really knocked me just when I was doing better. I don’t recognise who he has become never used to drink likely just blocking everything out

@whippersnapper55 thanks that’s all I want to feel indifferent now I’m quite drained of feeling like I’m stuck

@CaffeinatedSeagull yeah mine was more like abandonment I didn’t think he would ever leave changed over night new lifestyle then regretted everything obviously too late now. I do have a good life obviously just lingering attachment

@EarthSight yes I did do some therapy. I could see why he left but at the time was shock. I am probably over him just not over the way he done it so I suppose your right just learning to live with it

I really sympathise. If there's a level of confusion about his behaviour, about what happened, then your mind will want to fill in those blanks, but it can't.

That's what it was like for me, and I will never really understand, because I can never really trust that I'll have the truth from him. I realised that I had to trust on my own instincts, because I couldn't rely on his words any more as they were in contradiction with his behaviour. However, I'm not telepathic, so even though I think my instincts and objective opinions of him were correct, it's not a fact in the same way that gravity is a proven fact, you know? You don't have the same sense of closure, and if you've been with someone for a very long time or were heavily invested in someone, getting that strong sense of closure and understanding of not only someone's actions but their personality is more important.

If you went out with a guy who was known to cheat, for example, then I don't think you would find him cheating all that surprising, because it's what you would have understood about him in some way from the beginning. If it's surprising, then you have to deal with the fact that either he genuinely changed for the worse over time, or that he his that part of himself from the beginning, or you just him wrong. Understanding it as a type of grief provides a different perspective, I find. It's a powerful loss, even if they're not dead, and even if on surface level they say they have regrets.

Just remember that highly unpleasant people are capable of regret and great distress, but it's rarely true, long lasting remorse or regret. It's because the power dynamic has changed, now that you are at a distance, or because of some kind of panic that they've lost some security, because they now have to stew in their own juices and they don't actually like themselves, or because they are annoyed because they don't have what they used to have in other ways.

I wouldn't encourage you to move on prematurely, but sometimes what your mind needs to stop ruminating over past times is a new man in your life!

@EarthSight that is so true, I always trusted him the full time I was with him it never crossed my mind he was capabale of leaving and his behaviour of heavily drinking and out multiple times a week was odd. I have a achieved so much since he left and what I can see his has went down hill he’s missed out on so much and been in toxic relationships since so I can see why he would regret 14 months later. Your right I think I need to move on and go dating as when he was messaging I knew I missed the connection and someone to talk to but knew I would never ever trust him again although I genuinely believed he regretted it I could never forget how heartbroken I was.