Separating and scared about his reaction

[Anon1234567891]

I’ve posted about this in divorce section but thought I might get more traffic here. As many people on here have told me from my previous threads I know I need to leave my husband but I’m scared of his reaction.
He’s not been violent before but when I said I wanted to see messages to another woman he got angry and said “I don’t want to threaten him” in a nasty way and had a scary look in his eyes. I’m not sure if this is how people normally react but I found it scary.
So how do I tell him. We own the house jointly but I am on a low income and don’t really have any savings so can’t move out until I have my share, don’t think he will move out and don’t really have anywhere to go. Think he would be hell to live with.
i did wonder about writing him a letter and going away for a few days to let him calm down.

I haven’t read your other thread but this sounds very worrying and I think you should get advice from women’s aid and ideally get a place in a refuge as from what you have said it doesn’t sound safe to stay in the house. 💐

Obviously you know him better than me and getting professional advice is a good first step but just in case it helps to get different feedback I’ll give you my experience. So I have a STBXH who had been scary in the past - rough handling me and coming in my face a few times. I was terrified of broaching the subject even though we obviously needed to split and the marriage had been dead for years.

So I made it all about me. I said I was unhappy because I didn’t feel he loved me any more and it was making me feel very sad. The thing about the phone with your husband is that he would’ve felt ashamed about that so he’s likely to be aggressive. But if you avoid blaming him for anything he might take it better. I refused to get into swapping grievances. Once you’ve decided to split there’s no point hashing it through. If he has been unwilling to see your point of view before he’s not going to start now.

The thing about difficult men is that they tend to be ego driven so if you avoid challenging their egos it can be safer.

If he scares you, is aggressive, violent, or abusive, it's more important for you to physically leave before you say anything at all about ending things.

Ideally move out, stay with someone else (don't tell him who) and then tell him from a distance. For your own safety.

Abuse escalates when you try to leave so please be careful. Speak to womens aid as well.