Am I wrong to hope we could still be a family?

[sunbeach3624]

Hi,

Looking for support and advice.

I have moved back in with parents 3 hours away after separating with my partner of whom I was with for 4 years. We have a 2 year old together and he has an 8 year old from a previous relationship.

I am absolutely broken. All I wanted was a family unit. I have been in this position a few time having to come back to parents. He has narcissistic traits, money orientated, deep rooted issues, treated our son and his daughter differently ( his last marriage ended similarly and I know daughter was a comfort for him and now uses her), was verbally awful/little respect and admitted he doesn’t know why he says the things he does. When he’s was nice he’s was great everything you could ask for. He chose to be nasty as there was nothing else against me, and I don’t know why he could not change or make sacrifices. He said his last marriage broke him with the idea of not having a family unit but it’s happened again.

It’s early days, but I begged him to get professional help a while ago. Am I stupid for thinking that if he does, commits to it and it’s months of hard work from him and I mean months before we could ever think about moving back etc we could be a family unit in the future? My whole life has changed, moving away, leaving a job, looking for new nursery’s. I know this isn’t something I can go back to until he is properly sorted.

I have left with nothing. I am broken and I still love him. Am I stupid?

Any one else been in this position?

The chances of it happening are very, very slim, sorry OP.

People rarely change.

Firstly you're not stupid. You have fallen for the lies of an abuser - a historic one at that.

Secondly, you have not left with nothing. You have your 2 year old and your future. Free from a man who was verbally abusive and had no respect for you.

Get some help to understand why this man has hoodwinked you OP. Make a new wonderful life for yourself with your DC. You are lucky to have your parents who will now support you and give you a home. Please don't consider going back with him - men like this do not change.

He isn’t going to change op.

They know how to spot the perfect victim, let him go and concentrate on giving your child the best life you can.

No. Your son deserves better than to be pitched against his sister and to grow up in an abusive home. Don't take the risk of taking him back into that.

Presumably you can't do much about the way your ex treats his dd, but you can give your son a stable home of your own where he is treated fairly.

Sorry OP but I think you're on to a hiding to nothing here. He's verbally abusive to you because he chooses to be - don't be fooled into thinking this is something he can't help. He does it to keep you in your place and to get his own way. He is an abuser and there is zero chance that he will change.

You are not left with nothing - you have your son and your freedom and your whole life ahead of you. You can and you will pick yourself up, start again and in all likelihood meet someone worthy of you and have a great life! Please don't waste another minute pining for that loser - you are worth more than that 💐

You’ve made the right move. Don’t doubt yourself. x

He isn't likely to change, but you can. Get some professional help figuring out why you end up with these sorts of men, and how you can be whole again.

You have done the right thing, children will thrive without seeing there mum abused