Partner has anger issues

[TheDenimKoala]

Looking for some advice on how to handle this situation. I (F) live with partner (M) and we have 2 daughters age 6 and 10. We've had a turbulent few years with his addiction issues. He's been sober a year now but it hasn't rectified any of the issues. In fact it could even be worse and he's generally around more. He can be so angry sometimes. He got really angry the other day because one of the kids left the door open whilst we had the air conditioning on. He turned it off..a while later once they were inside I turned it back on. He went mad, stormed out the house and didn't come back until late. He then didn't join in on any of our weekend plans. This is just one example, there are many more. His moods change regularly..sometimes he's fun, kind and helpful. Other times he's grumpy and angry and there's no way of telling which way he will be. I've had enough but don't want to disrupt the kids lives by separating, potentially moving from their schools, etc. They are really settled and happy. I thought it best to stay so they have a stable home but now I'm thinking it might be best to leave so have a stable home with consistent moods....

Living with a man like that is highly damaging to your children, and of course to you.

Regarding finances - It depends who paid what towards the house. If purchased equally, then you get half each of the sale proceeds, or one person can buy the other person out.

You must also consider protecting your children from his uncontrollable temper. Co-parenting might be troublesome, and I would wager that the kids are afraid of him.

You would be wise to take legal advice.

If he refuses to leave (which he could well do) you’re going to have to employ using legal means to get him
out.

I would seek legal advice asap re all aspects of you separating from him. The property may well
need to be sold. He will remain just as abusive post your separation from him.

I would not enter into any informal arrangement with him re access to the children, if he is that bothered about them he would not have abused you as their mother. He can choose to see them at a contact centre. He is also financially responsible for them so I would make a claim on their behalf.

Would be wise to speak to a solicitor before saying anything to him.

I remember being in primary school one day and my friend came up to me sobbing, and said her Dad that morning had screamed at her sister as her sister had accidentally broken something at home. She was so upset. I also saw her upset during other times at school. I remember her coming into band practice in tears. The parents went on to split up. I understand that she has spoken up about her abusive father as an adult. It affected her deeply. She has suffered from anxiety as an adult and has had a few failed relationships of her own.

Please make a difference in your kids lives while you can. It will fuck them up to live in that environment.