Is it time to end things with my partner in my 50s

[Toxicor]

I need some thoughts & straight talking. Pretty sure I know the answer but have no one I can discuss this with irl.

Been with my partner for around 3 years, we don’t live together so not sure I’m allowed to call him my partner but we’re in our 50s so boyfriend sounds weird.

Lots of little things have been niggling at my gut for a while. My gut feeling is it’s time to call it a day but I’m scared of throwing it away & being on my own.

Some examples from this weekend….

We were going out for dinner on Friday & he threw a strop & slammed doors because he said my face was tripping me, for context I had a really long & tiring week at work & had an hour to get ready whilst everyone else had the day off.

Saturday we had a huge argument over nothing which escalated very quickly.

Tonight he is sulking in bed because I refused sex at teatime because I wasn’t feeling well. I’ve been up & spoke to him & he ignored me. It’s too late to go home now but I don’t want to be here.

Tell me your thoughts please.

Fuck him off OP .
If this is the shit 3 years in , what do you think it will be like in another 3 ??
Seriously , get rid .
You said yourself there has been things for a while .
He’s only beginning to show you what a prick he is .
Do you really want to hang in there to see how bad things can get .

I ended up leaving & driving home. Just knew there would be an argument this morning & couldn’t face it.

You did the right thing @Toxicor

Being alone might seem scary but it really isn't. I feel truly happy to be able to please myself.

You don't live together, he doesn't make you happy, he's actually an absolutely twat, block him on everything, choose to be happy

Well done, OP. I think you can never be too old to leave a bad relationship. Relationships are there to make your life better, not worse!

Imagine if you.lived with him.full time ? He sounds a miserable git, surely being on your own is better than constant put downs an arguments.

Thanks! I'll be using that!

Leave him. Just do it. He sounds like a child.

How, on the basis of that description, do you expect anyone to say anything other than: split up with him?

You are both fighting, he is sulking, you don't want sex. It sounds joyless. You've only been together three years!

He needs to now be an ex. He is abusive towards you and living with him will therefore be a disaster for you from the start. it’s over. What do you know about his relationship history?. That is likely to be chequered to say the least.

Does he bad mouth his ex partner’s by saying they are all crazy?. Your gut feelings should not be ignored here, they are truly telling you he is no good.

Thank goodness you got out of there. I think you need to have a serious word with yourself about why you stayed with him for so long before the guilt, tripping and promises to improve start and you end up giving in and going back to this toxic relationship.

I’ve been divorced for five years now after ending a twenty-five-year marriage, and from day one, people have been telling me I should “find someone". Everyone, my sister, my best friend, even my doctor and therapist, seems to think I should have anyone rather than be alone. This blows my mind. The idea that having any partner is somehow better than being single is bullshit. It’s completely backwards. We should prefer ourselves over anyone else and only choose to be with someone who is genuinely compatible. Anything less isn’t worth it.

Good for you for leaving OP.

So hes been snappy for 3 days? Im in my 50s, been living with DP for a year. Recently he was snappy with me for several times - I told him to pack it in or he was out. He had extenuating circumstances for this (his sister was murdered and it was the trial) so I made some allowances - but after several days of it, I told him in no uncertain terms I wasn't tolerating it, and I wont. Its been fine ever since.

Unless this is out of character, there is some underlying reason, and you pull him up and he reassures you it will not happen again, then you should end it. Today.

So glad that you had the courage to drive home and literally get yourself out of harm’s way.

How have you been today? Have you thought about how you want to live in the future? Has he been in touch?

Today I am exhausted. Had a terrible sleep running over things in my head. I haven’t thought too much about my future yet but feel relieved. To answer a pp we don’t live together because I have one of my adult dc living with me & although we had discussed me selling up & moving in with him I used that as an excuse not to if I’m being totally honest.

Good riddance. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells with a partner.

I’m sorry that you didn’t sleep well and I hope you slept better.

Hopefully some of the things running through your head were the plans to do nice things without him and all the peace you’ll have

Yes, OP, sounds like you need to end it. A relationship should bring you joy and contentment. This one sounds like it no longer does. Indeed, if you’re happy and relieved to be away from him that tells you everything you need to know.

Friday - slamming doors
Saturday - argument
Sunday - sulking because after such a nice weekend he though he deserved sex

Honestly after that saying to him or sending him a message “this clearly isn’t working out I’m done”
should be not only straightforward but expected surely?

You are dodging a bullet imagine that weekend or worse but you had no where to go because you had sold your house (never do that by the way as this shows you never know when you will need it)

Leave him.

His behaviour is pathetic. A 50 year old man child is not someone who you want to spend your life with.

Honestly, being on your own is nothing to be scared of. I live alone with my dog and it is BLISS after a lifetime of catering for and to other people!

What does this mean in your original post @Toxicor”…he said my face was tripping me…..” ?

Just means "she looked annoyed" he said. It because she wasn't smiling for him,
I don't know where the op is from, i am in Scotland and it is used here.

Thank you @Lomonald
I am in Ireland and have never heard of it. I thought it was a typo.

I also think @Toxicor should end the relationship. ASAP
The cranky man will only get crankier.