How do women afford to leave a domestic abuse marriage when my wages wouldn’t even cover rent? There must be so many of us financially trapped. I’m sat here after another drunken abusive outburst feeling that I just can’t do this anymore. Over 30 years this has been going on, I’m a shell of my old self. I feel if I don’t leave I’m going to end my life through unhappiness.
Does domestic violence groups help secure accommodation? I’m not in immediate physical danger. It’s mental and verbal abuse that he puts me and my children through. He is also an alcoholic, has been for all these years but later years his drinking is every night but in the spare room. We don’t have sex anymore; haven’t done for 5 years which seems mutually acceptable. I’ve gained 5 stone since menopause and tells me how fat I am when drunk. Our children are grown up; daughter lives with her bf and our son set to move abroad. After tonight my son has said he’s not my dad anymore. If he wasn’t saving to move abroad we would rent a place together. My husband is a high functioning alcoholic, never has hangovers, always turns up for work. I have zero health checks through choice.. no smear tests, didn’t do the poo test, just threw it in the bin and won’t have a mammogram when asked to. This makes me indirectly suicidal…as though it’s in fates hands. I actually cannot wait for my life to be over, I’m just too scared to end it myself and wouldn’t do that to my children even though it’s my constant default setting. Stupidly I do lots of lottery lines a week just praying to win 200 thousand so I could buy a one bedroom flat. I’m just going through the motions. I’m now 52 and feel grief at my life that I’ve thrown away with this god awful man. I talk to my friends and sometimes my elderly parents but hate to worry them. I could move in with them but don’t want to leave my son here with him. My son was ready to absolutely kick the crap out of him tonight after hearing how he spoke to me. I will have to take a second job, I’ve been looking, but first I need to save for a car as he will take that off me. When I’m “bad” he takes the car off me, withholds housekeeping money etc. it would be easier if he died but at a recent check up he was found to be fit as a flea which baffles me with his drinking and weed smoking. The weed absolutely stinks the house out, I hate it but he just tells me to shut up. The house is in his name, I couldn’t have my name added as I had a credit card debt from when I lost my job and he wouldn’t pay it so I had to arrange a payment plan. it was just before we met but he has messed up our finances spectacularly through remortgaging over the years so he now owes more than what he bought it for as he’s been on interest only for 18 YEARS!! I have no stability or security with him and I just know he won’t give me anything from the house and tbh he can shove it. I just want my own place and peace.
if you’ve read this far, thank you. I’d really like to hear from women that have left after a long time and how you financially managed. I will in time inherit half my parents house but I’d rather they stay here than all the money in the world but of course I know that’s not possible. I’m going to feel beyond distraught when they’ve gone. My Dad is the most secure, stable, sensible, wise loving man I’ve ever known as is my mum. I’m so lucky I got them as my parents. How did I pick such a loser?! I feel completely lost as he confuses me by then being nice. All I did earlier was message him and ask what time are you home? He had been in the pub for the second day running since midday. This is unusual for him to go to pubs as he says he’s always skint. But there’s always money for alcohol and weed. I got an abusive phone call back saying you can’t control me I shall stay out as long as I want. Usually if he has gone to the pub I won’t dare bother him as 1. I don’t care and 2. He gets aggressive. But I have been lured in this weekend as he’s been pleasant. When he goes to pubs he gets so drunk he ends up fighting or being beaten up and falling asleep and weeing himself. The mattresses I’ve got through at home is many. I now have plastic sheeting on all of the beds. But like I said, he now sleeps in the spare room. He turns my stomach.