How to support my teenage son in a controlling relationship

[Thelostwanderer]

My 15 soon to be 16 year old son is in his second relationship with a girl who is in my eyes extremely controlling and I have officially hit my limit.

For context I am 34 and a single mother who has legal full custody of my son. They have been together for 7 months and during this time I have seen him isolate himself completely from friends, if we attend family events the gf will cause an argument as she wants him to be at home which then puts him in a mood which has a knock on effect. Most recently he admitted to cutting his arm as they had an argument and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. But what’s tipped me over the edge today we have a break coming up for two nights to see a show and he was really looking forward to it but last night the gf said she’s going through stuff and only HE can support her and that he shouldn’t go as she needs him on the phone 24/7. Safe to say I hit the roof this morning, I told him he WILL be going and if he kicks up a fuss his phone will be confiscated.

since things have calmed he’s agreed to speak with a therapist to help deal with his emotions in a better way. But my issue here is with the GF and how to navigate this situation..I’m at a loss… I’m angry… I’m upset and I just want my happy social boy back out with his friends enjoying life.

Ahh thank you ☺️ good luck to you also!
I’m guessing the obsessive behaviour stems from social media which is destroying our children.

Gosh that sound so familar to my DS1's first serious girlfriend, although he was 20yo.

I think being younger you can put your foot down and insist on him coming with you/spending time at home with you, although no doubt it won't be easy and will cause a lot of drama.

With hindsight, part of the problem for me was that she was my little boy's first real GF and it threatented my relationship with him (also single). I didn't realise/acknowledge those feelings were playing a part at the time, and I'd have never thought I could be a possessive mum or nightmare MIL, but I don't think my own feelings helped the situation.

What I should have done is express my concerns about having time for yourself/not feeling pressured into anything etc and stepped right back. I think for a while it was them against me "proving" I was wrong iyswim.

Fwiw he cheated on her eventually. Not something to be proud of but I think it was his way of bringing things to a head. The break up was awful, culminating in her father going to his place of work and the police being called, but he has since told me he now realises I was right all along, which hopefully means he would see it of it happened again.

He is has now being with his current GF c. 2 years and whilst it's provably still true she "wears the trousers" it's a much kinder relastionship and she's much more prepared to be involved in our family/allow him time to be with us.

I would be inclined to agree with you on that one. Social media has a lot to answer for.

I'd be putting a stop to this one and contacting her parents if necessary.