Partner's drinking and accusations at 8 months pregnant, feeling trapped

[Australia2000]

I guess I just needed advice as I’m feeling really lost today and unsure what direction to go in. I’ll try and keep it short but been with my partner over 4 years and have a 2 year old daughter. Since I’ve met him there’s been quite a few issues with alcohol but last night has really upset me. I did relocate to be with him so currently living in an area with no real support. Also I spent years travelling so I guess I’m quite isolated here.

a couple of years ago I was in a womens refuge followed by a hotel for 6 months and never got anywhere with the council, they kept moving me to different hotels and said there was no accommodation in the area. I have limited family support so I stupidly went back to him. He’d been drinking frequently up til that point and verbally abusive and when I’d been away he seemed to have changed for the better, I was in a vulnerable situation living in a hotel with a baby and I missed working, I was struggling to keep myself fed with no kitchen. He promised it would change and for a while he was supportive but recently he’s drinking every day and it leaves me unsettled.

even worse I’m 8 months pregnant before people comment, I know it shouldn’t have happened but here I am. It’s added more stress to a bad situation and i don’t need to be told I was stupid for being at this point.

so getting to why I’m posting yesterday he was out for a friends birthday a whole day and evening thing. I was surprised he’d even messaged at 8pm asking if I wouldn’t mind if he watched the football and then come back. At 2am he wasn’t here I messaged asking if he was ok. He started sending weird messages, showing me pictures of hotel keys and just talking nonsense.

At 6am he came home and started accusing me of being a prostitute in front of my daughter. He went to sleep downstairs. He’s refused to talk to me after he woke up on the sofa about 10, still sticking with his story I’m a prostitute which is completely laughable as apart from work I’m home all the time. He refused to talk with me other than to say I’m a prostitute and left since. I feel gaslit and scared. I’m not on the tenancy here and I have nowhere else to go. This happens every time he’s drunk he’ll blame me for something. I’m so close to birth I guess I just needed some guidance.

Thanks for reading, please be kind

1. Ring your local domestic violence charity.
2. Talk to your midwife.
3. Apply to the council for housing or assistance of some kind.
4. Paperwork. You will have to apply for child support so you need as much paperwork as you can without him knowing.
5. Do you have a trusted friend? Or can you drive to family easily? Start filling bags of your precious things and necessities and getting them out of the house. Start with your own identification documents and for your daughter and all your medical records.

I’m sorry that this is happening to you. But you have to do all these things. No one else can. You have to take control and you have to stick it out.

You cannot stay and, once you leave, you cannot come back.

Sorry, it sounds like alcohol induced psychosis. Call 999.

You are where you are. You can't change the past but you can change the future.

This might be the perfect opportunity to leave and make a new life for yourself.
This kind of man is not going to enhance your life or the life of your children.
I know it probably seems like a huge task at the moment to leave and you might be feeling like you can't bring up your children on your own but believe me it will be a lot easier than living with him.

He’s probably calling you a prostitute because he’s been with one and he’s trying to justify it in some warped way. You need to leave.

@Australia2000 I’ve just noticed your username properly.

Go to your police station. Most of them have women who have experienced domestic violence who can talk to you and guide you.

You can also ring 1800 RESPECT. 1800 73 77 32

https://1800respect.org.au/services

Please contact them now.

Please keep coming back to this thread. We will help as much as we can.

Thankyou, I’m actually in the UK now have been since Covid. Prior that I was in Australia for 10 years which is why I’ve not got much support here. I can contact my previous refuge I’m just scared to be stuck in a hotel room after that which could be ongoing for months again. Also if I leave now I’m don’t know who would look after my child when I’m giving birth which I guess is why I’ve been putting up with the last couple of months. I have to have a C-section which I know means they won’t just let me leave the hospital afterwards. I don’t drive it’s just all one big mess

You got back with your abuser and he is continuing the abuse. You and your children are not safe and you need to leave, you know this. Speak to your midwife for support and contact Women's Aid asap.

Sorry, just seen your update - speak to your midwife and she will be able to signpost you to social services for support. If there is no-one to look after your daughter while you are giving birth and recovering, they can organise temporary emergency foster care. I have friends who provide this and there are fully vetted, kind people who can look after your daughter for a few days while you recover. Please get in touch with the shelter you mentioned. There will be no judgement and they will find you somewhere safe to go. Please don't stay there, with an unpredictable alcoholic.

He sounds a dangerous nutcase. You must leave.

SS can find temporary emergency foster care while you give birth. Your daughter will be much safer than with her Dad who is emotionally abusing her.

Thankyou all for your advice you’re all right. I need to sort myself out. Still in disbelief I’m in this situation having escaped a shitty childhood and swore I’d never go back I can’t believe I’ve put up with someone who doesn’t respect me and has isolated me so much socially that I didn’t even know who to talk to today

You're not alone - keep talking on here if it helps. But you do need to reach out for support from your midwife/refuge/social services when you are safe to do so. Look after yourself lovely 💐