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Relationships

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Marriage mistake, now separated need advice please.

7 replies

bathandbodyworks · 28/06/2026 12:49

was a single parent for years in my own home happy with my kids. dated as was lonely after years, met a wonderful man and after a few short months i discovered i was pregnant, we remained living separately and i continued working and claiming uc and i didnt want to disturb my older childrens by moving in together so soon.
during the pregnancy and after i gave birth he never supported me financially. after i had our baby, we thought it was the right thing to do by getting married and moving all in together shortly after. i suffered from post natal depression and left the new rental home agreement and bills all to him. i gave notice of my own tenancy and 3 days before the move i discovered txt messages on his phone revealing he had got his rental agreement rejected due to his bad credit score. i then find out he had been sacked from his job, is a gambling addict and is in massive amount of debt. i felt like i had been punched. i ended the relationship and begged my parents to take me and my children in as we had no other choice.
i dont even know this man.
i informed uc that i had moved out of my old property and into my parents as still a single parent. i have been a mess. my childrens lives turned upside down and the guilt i feel for being so stupid is unreal.

my problem is i need to also update my name as legally im still married. he has my marriage certificate and wont give me it so i dont know what to do about proof of name change? and im worried they will not believe that we are separated as we only recently got married. any suggestions would be greatly appreciated ❤️

OP posts:
MollyButton · 28/06/2026 12:55

You don’t have to change your name on marriage. You can get a copy of a marriage certificate from the General registrars office or the registration office where you got married.
Its a good thing you didn’t live with him long before marriage as he is a liability but this will count as a short marriage.

Dobeebeedah · 28/06/2026 12:56

You can only do your very best. I do hope they believe you and you have his credit rating and as much evidence of his debts as possible. You are also the victim of DV (financial, deception) etc so report him to the police.

bathandbodyworks · 28/06/2026 13:10

thankyou all ❤️ i dont have a problem with the actual name as our child has it so we will have the same name.
its just i know when i update uc that they will question the relationship as to why i got married then a very short while later im separated and living in with my parents whilst i get back on my feet. we still are in contact due to our child so he could verify we are not financially tied , share no bank accounts etc (thank god) and we are no longer together but is he being so difficult i know he will not cooperate.

OP posts:
bathandbodyworks · 30/06/2026 11:33

i updated UC and they said they want evidence of my name change in an appointment at the job centre.
i have obtained my marriage certificate so il take that. im just worried they may ask alot of other personal questions about our marriage and why i don’t live with him and why i ended it. its very painful for me to discuss this.

OP posts:
SweepSqueaks · 30/06/2026 12:04

I don’t think they won’t believe you. They will be hearing from people in difficult situations all of the time.

What I would do is dictate a few sentences either to Siri (or whatever) or have a friend type out what you want to say about it. Then email or message it to yourself so you can just cut and paste it when you need to. Or if it’s an in person interview just hand over your phone. That way you don’t have to think of what to say when you are in the actual meeting.

SweepSqueaks · 30/06/2026 12:12

Something like

Asshat Twat and I married on May 15th 2026 and I subsequently moved from 8 Church Street to a rental property at 24 Acacia Avenue. AssHat Twat and I split up on June 12th 2026 after I discovered he had been telling me a significant number of lies. I moved from 24 Acacia Avenue on June 17th and my children and I are now living temporarily with my parents at 10 Park Avenue. I will not be reconciling with Asshat Twat.

Inmyuggs · 30/06/2026 12:16

Do you have a support person to go with?
Go with it and if it becomes to much Say so.
Surely it wont be to envasive.
Good on you for starting a fresh
It can work out fine down the track...limit any possible nonsense if he bothers you !.

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