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Relationships

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Unreasonable to think his behaviour with other woman was poor form??

26 replies

Divvi · 28/06/2026 10:00

Newish relationship , mid fifties, am I being unfair in my expectations?
we’re getting in brilliantly, mad about each other. He would talk to the wall.. always meeting people when we’re out and about, extremely friendly, chatty and a genuinely lovely lovely man. He seems to know people everywhere we go.
we are together six months. He’s very consistent , eager etc. going so well.
so we were out at the weekend and he went over to another table at an outdoor bar to get me a lighter. Ten mins later, he’s still chatting away to a woman he’d never met before. I was sat at another table nearby with two friends .
I thought this was odd tbh. He broke up with his last partner after a year of her being v flirtatious and leaving him alone for an hour at a time in some cases, when out socially so I thought this was double standards .
I joined him eventually and he immediately out his arm around me and introduced me to the lady he was speaking to. When asked casually what they were chatting about, he said his ex wife and his divorce!!
I thought to myself..’ FFS! He’s here with his new gf and he’s talking about the tragedy of his ex wife’s illness and subsequent divorce ..’
We chatted and I said that I found his behaviour odd esp in view of his issues with a past partner. I then asked if he feels comfortable with me doing what he did. He said he did! He apologised profusely, felt awful for hurting me although he looked completely confused when I broached the subject initially … and that’s was that.
Is this a him thing or a me thing do you think??
we’re new couple and have years of baggage and trauma with infidelity playing a big part in my marriage .
Thanks

OP posts:
Spaghettimonsta · 28/06/2026 10:06

This is one of those situations where theres no right or wrong. He didnt do anything wrong but I totally understand feeling a little ruffled.

MissCooCooMcgoo · 28/06/2026 10:10

You know he's a social chatterbox but you have a problem with him being a chatterbox?

Yeah, no. He can talk about what he likes to who he likes surely?

Kaidaia · 28/06/2026 10:13

The woman was probably desperate for him to leave!

HobartSimpson · 28/06/2026 10:13

I thought this was odd tbh. He broke up with his last partner after a year of her being v flirtatious and leaving him alone for an hour at a time in some cases, when out socially so I thought this was double standards .

Please be aware that some people can be very believable, utterly convincing, when they are lying.

I'm not saying this is the case here but very often people say they have had done to them what they have done to another.

Just a possibility.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 28/06/2026 10:14

He didn't leave you alone, you were with friends.

Shipsa · 28/06/2026 10:15

Are you naturally quite jealous due to past events?

What he was doing wasn’t wrong and in his 50’s I would say quite normal. When you approached he was quite happy to show who you were.

I think in this situation you were perhaps being a bit over suspicious.

Sparkletastic · 28/06/2026 10:17

It’s a you thing

Divvi · 28/06/2026 10:20

Thanks. I’m trying to figure out why o felt like this . As I said, he’s a fantastic boyfriend so far. He has literally hundreds of friends from all Different groups and walks of life . So warm and friendly and very popular with so many. He’s never given me reason to feel insecure so was this jealousy on my part?

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 28/06/2026 10:26

Sounds fine to me

PintofFizz · 28/06/2026 10:28

Obviously this is a matter of taste, but the chatterbox/chat to anyone thing would drive me mad.

My dad was like this. He'd pop to the shop for the paper 10 minutes before mum was ready to put the dinner on the table and would be gone for 3 hours. When he came back it's always be 'Oh I bumped into John and then saw Sandra from the carpet shop'. We'd stop for petrol and mum, my brothers and I would sit in the car for 40 minutes when he 'got talking' to the woman/man behind the counter.

He knew almost everyone and even people he didn't know were an opportunity to talk. Every since social occasion he'd wander off chatting, every holiday, all the time.

Whether he was right or wrong or flirting or not wasn't the main problem.
Mum didn't mind but it did my head in. I couldn't be with someone like it.

Conchiglie · 28/06/2026 10:35

My ex boyfriend was like this. Very sociable and chatty, loads of friends. It sounds great but it drove me mad after a while because I never felt like his attention was fully focused on me, sometimes you just want to feel like you're the priority.

I don't think his behaviour was "poor form" or that he's done anything wrong, this is just who he is, but it's possible that this guy may not be the one for you.

Spaghettimonsta · 28/06/2026 10:36

It can be hard being with the guy everybody loves. It can sometimes feel like your connection isnt special

Divvi · 28/06/2026 11:00

Maybe it’s something I need to think about. I definitely feel that his attention is focused on me when we’re together even as part of a group normally. This did irritate me though.

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 28/06/2026 11:15

he went over to another table at an outdoor bar to get me a lighter. Ten mins later, he’s still chatting away to a woman he’d never met before.

That's the odd bit, not the chatting. He went to fetch you something and then didn't return, and left you hanging. That's awful behaviour imho.

whippersnapper55 · 28/06/2026 11:23

I don't think he did anything wrong 🤷‍♀️ you know he's gregarious and likes to chat to people, he's not given you any reason to doubt his feelings for you so I'm not sure what it is you're worried about?

Lavender14 · 28/06/2026 11:36

I can see why it felt off. I get that if he's a chatterbox as you describe and your in a really social setting and he's gone to get something he's maybe felt like he needed to be friendly to justify use of the lighter, but I do think 10 minutes is a long time to have disappeared with no context for you even though you were with friends. Then you find him having a chat that I think is fair to wonder how they got onto that topic. Could be absolutely innocent but you've nothing really to go on.

I'm not sure anyone has done anything wrong here especially as you've no idea how the topic came up or what the interaction was like and it does sound like this is a potential personality clash as opposed to anything more if he's going to be a social butterfly and you find this triggering due to past infidelity.

OutOfApricots · 28/06/2026 11:41

MissCooCooMcgoo · 28/06/2026 10:10

You know he's a social chatterbox but you have a problem with him being a chatterbox?

Yeah, no. He can talk about what he likes to who he likes surely?

There's being a chatterbox and there's going on a quick errand and then getting waylaid talking to someone else for so long that your partner is left sitting there like a total chump on their own for half an hour with nothing to do but twiddle their thumbs in embarassment at being abandoned and wondering where the fuck he's got to.

You have my sympathies OP (and in case anyone is wondering, yes DH does this to me frequently and it is bloody annoying).

Cannybeme · 28/06/2026 11:46

Non-issue. You said he’s social and talks to everyone and that must something you like in him as you’ve mentioned it in a positive way.

Maybe you need some counselling for your trauma from previous relationships if you want this one to go the distance.

Cannybeme · 28/06/2026 11:47

OutOfApricots · 28/06/2026 11:41

There's being a chatterbox and there's going on a quick errand and then getting waylaid talking to someone else for so long that your partner is left sitting there like a total chump on their own for half an hour with nothing to do but twiddle their thumbs in embarassment at being abandoned and wondering where the fuck he's got to.

You have my sympathies OP (and in case anyone is wondering, yes DH does this to me frequently and it is bloody annoying).

She was with friends.

OutOfApricots · 28/06/2026 12:18

Cannybeme · 28/06/2026 11:47

She was with friends.

Who were, no doubt, thinking: "Where has he buggered off to, and who's that woman he's been chatting with for ages instead of being here with us and the woman he's supposed to be dating?".

If you haven't repeatedly experienced this sort of thing, it is hard to comprehend what it's like. Which is why I posted.

My DH is the sort of person who can literally forget you're there whilst he turns his back on you and talks the hind leg off a donkey with someone you don't know. He'll then see someone else he wants to talk to and just walk off, leaving me there. Which is why I rarely go anywhere with him any more.

MissCooCooMcgoo · 28/06/2026 12:19

OutOfApricots · 28/06/2026 11:41

There's being a chatterbox and there's going on a quick errand and then getting waylaid talking to someone else for so long that your partner is left sitting there like a total chump on their own for half an hour with nothing to do but twiddle their thumbs in embarassment at being abandoned and wondering where the fuck he's got to.

You have my sympathies OP (and in case anyone is wondering, yes DH does this to me frequently and it is bloody annoying).

She wasn't on her own. They were on a table with friends!

BillieWiper · 28/06/2026 13:04

I think knowing what he's like you'd have been better borrowing your own lighter!

Yeah, he wasn't flirting with her. He was talking about whatever he wanted to and was open about it. He's clearly a very sociable type and to me he didn't do much wrong other than fail to bring you a light!

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 29/06/2026 12:48

OutOfApricots · 28/06/2026 11:41

There's being a chatterbox and there's going on a quick errand and then getting waylaid talking to someone else for so long that your partner is left sitting there like a total chump on their own for half an hour with nothing to do but twiddle their thumbs in embarassment at being abandoned and wondering where the fuck he's got to.

You have my sympathies OP (and in case anyone is wondering, yes DH does this to me frequently and it is bloody annoying).

She wasn't on her own though, she was with two of her friends.

Lampzade · 29/06/2026 12:59

I am not attracted to men who overshare, flirt and who are chatterboxes..
You are dating a man who is very friendly and this means that he is going to talk to women. The problem is that some women may assume that he is flirting with them which may be embarrassing for you
You have to decide if you can cope with him being a social butterfly ,

ohyesido · 29/06/2026 14:35

I don’t think it’s you. He’s told you his ex used to leave him on his own while she chatted with others.

you’ve just experienced him leaving you alone while he chatted with others.

could he be accusing others of that which he’s guilty of himself?