OK so I am having some counselling and its bringing up feelings that I am trying to quell........... how do i quell the feelings short term?

[brucelovesfrumpygrumpy]

I'm three sessions in with a counsellor I like very much. We are getting somewhere.

Only problem is that it is bringing up things about my relationship with my mum and, until I work it all out with the counsellor, I still need to have a relationship with her and she (and my dad) is coming on holiday with me, DP and our children in two weeks time.

In the meantime I am getting angry about certain things and trying not to be. Everytime she talks to me and my children I find I am seeing her a little differently. I cannot discuss any of this with my mum, I intend to sort through it privately with the counsellor.

I want to be able to handle the holiday but, right now, I just feel on edge with her and like I will (a) fester and/or (b) maybe fall out with her. I'd rather not. I'd rather keep it all going and deal with things separately.

Does that make sense?

I wanted to discuss with the counsellor but with holidays etc I can't see her again until mid-August.

anyone?

Ad's basically. They handle the symptoms of sadness, depression and anger so you can deal with them in structured counselling.

I don't want to do that. I am getting somewhere without them.

Also, I don't think I'm that angry. I have never used them and I would only ever accept them if I couldn't even function. I have been fighting my own corner for years without them and now, with a good counsellor, I think I can hit this thing on the head.

But thanks for it. Don't mean to sound ungrateful.

Its a toughy but you have to divorce your mum from your feelings - your issues/feelings belong to you and are nothing to do with the lady coming on holiday with you. That is sort of where your counselling will take you eventually.

Another goody is to bash out the negative feelings - if she is doing something that you really hate. Take that emotion/feeling/action, write it on a piece of paper put it on a pillow, take a heavy shoe or club and beat the s**t out of it until your emotional response to that feeling has disapeared.

For instance my mum is a social climber and that really pisses me off - I write it on a piece of paper, hit the paper until it breaks, shout at it - talk through how that feeling affects your relationship as I hit the paper.

It sounds stupid, but it works - you are disconnecting the buttons that she inadvertently uses to wind you up

Or just ignore me...

Difficult one that, depends on what it is about your relationship that is causing the anger (not asking you to go into details, that is between you and your counsellor).

Is it that you are worried that until you have resolved the issues in yourself, that you won't be able to have a rational (whether emotional or not) conversation with your mother about it if things do come up?

Are you going to be in the same living space on the holiday? Is there any way you can separate yourselves a bit to give you some space when you need it?

can you 'box' it? ie consciously visualise putting it in a box and closing the lid until after the holiday/you have had a chance to work things through? I know it sounds a bit naff, but it does work if you can do it.

Message withdrawn

Thanks Kaz, I like it

I think that part of my problem has been always taking everything she has ever said as law. Now that the counsellor has begun opening the lid, I don't quite know what to do with it. I am finding that my mum is rubbing me up the wrong way all the time. I know I have to be sensible and just keep it calm and deal with it properly. But I also find I am contradicting everything she says and have little patience to hold a conversation with her.

I can get by week to week but there just wasn't time for us to formulate a 'survive on holiday' plan.

Thanks for the tip. I will try it. Before the holiday. Not when she is in the next room

ataraxis, thanks, boxing it could be good. This type of stuff is what I was hoping for.

Dior, how crap!!!! So similar! I am trying to build myself up in advance so that I don't blurt it out. It wouldn't help. Thanks for the support.

good luck, I hope you find something that works so that you have a good holiday!

The more anger and viciousness that you let out the better. It doesn't even have to be bashing it could be going to the gym and taking a thought or a conversation in with you and consciously pounding out the words in your head as you run or row/whatever.

Let me know how you get on.

Fair enough - just be aware that it takes people on average 3 times as long to start really improving without ad's. Counselling without ad's can sometiems do more harm than good.

If you and the people closest to you are okay with that, then great - if there are kids who shouldn't witness it, or loved ones who are feeling the strain, you should maybe think about not being so indulgent of things and your feelings as opposed to theirs.

Just food for thought. Caring about others and protecting them against your negative emotions is part of recovery. Hopefully you will get there sooner rather than later

Monkeytrousers- (sorry to butt in on your thread OP) Are you speaking from experience? Its just Im considering going back on Ads. I dont think Im depressed but have been having therapy and feel a bit stuck in the negativity tbh. Im wondering if Ad's will help break the cycle so to speak.