I’m a middle sibling. My older sister has always disliked me even since we were children. She was very clingy to my mum. And I was more independent and out seeing different friends a lot who lived down my road.
we grew up in a difficult household With a mother who probably had BPD and an alcoholic depressive stepfather who was often violent. So there have been difficult dynamics there. I was the one who tried to make sense of all the difficult stuff going on and used to be quite a rescuer and helper in the family, which I’ve stopped doing as I’ve got older. I think I used to be naturally quite outgoing and very sociable. But as I’ve got older, my older sister has actually ruined most of my relationships. It started from when we were children she would tell strange lies about me and I remember one of her boyfriend’s calling me a slut. I was only 14 years old and had never even thought about dating a boy that she had made up these stories.
These stories continued, different stories to different people, that seemed to fit her narrative of pushing me away and feeling more important. I get this comes from a place of insecurity but I now no longer have a relationship with her, my younger sibling, or my estranged real father. None are massive losses because each had very difficult personalities but I find it very upsetting because I miss my nieces and nephews. She seems to paint a narrative to put people off me even if she has to become a victim in doing so. I have children of my own that I’ve grown up and off doing exciting things in the world.
But I cannot help feel loss. I love her very much and I have always enjoyed parts of her personality, but I cannot understand why she hates me so much. I live quite differently from her in the fact that I am independent. And always have been. I have set up my own business been very successful work wise but privately is been hard for me at times without support.I’ve been a single parent all my life. I’ve had relationships, but my sister has actually intervened in most of them, and over involved herself in their lives and clearly being attracted to a few. I didn’t even see her very much back then, and she’s still managed to get involved. I don’t really see her anymore since I accused her of being a gossip and bully after she said I was belittling her but couldn’t give any examples.
Should I reach out to her again or leave things as they are? I can see that she has manipulated other relationships that I don’t have as well. People that she has got to seem to think I am difficult orseem to pity me. But I am living a life I love and am grateful for the good few friends that I have and the close relationship I have with my children.She has never wanted to really get to know me or be part of my life. Just judge and criticise my life or me as a person. She’s quite happy to make up all sorts of wild things like I am dating married men or how I’ve hurt and upset her when I haven’t done anything to her. She seems intend on destroying any good in my life, even from a distance without contact. She’s even hit me as an adult when I was dating someone I think she quite liked and we all went away for a weekend and her and I were just talking sitting outside and she seemed very agitated and angry to see me happy.
Should I reach out to her and try and mend things? I’ve said I’m happy to talk to her again if it can be kind, but I’ve not heard from her. I’ve only seen her once and she was very cold with me, I made sure I remained kind and pleasant to her, but I am fed up with this and the lies she tells. She hides behind being a Christian and thinks it automatically means she is a good person.