Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worried about my dad withdrawing from the world

8 replies

CherhillDown · 27/06/2026 19:08

I hope this is in the right place for some advice. My dad seems to be withdrawing himself from everybody. What I am looking for is some advice on how I can help him or maybe how I think about this.

To cut a long story short, he and my mum married in their early 20's and they had nearly thirty years together. She died just before her 50th birthday. This was 14 years ago. He threw himself into his work and us (brother, sister and me). We had left home, but obviously were coming back frequently to grieve as a family and support each other. Three years ago dad met someone and it got serious. We were happy because he was genuinely happy. The relationship broke down and I believe she became too needy and demanding (not his ideal woman and mum was never like that). Eventually he admitted to me but not my siblings that she stole a lot of his money. He is pilanthopic and gives money away. He has always done this. Her actions have changed him. This year he has become more distant. He was never on social media, but now he is. When he had the business he had teams of people to help him, but now I do it setting up his accounts and internet banking and security. I transfer money for him and pay bills. He spends his days listening to music (the same songs) and he has the family pictures out, spread on his office spaces. It is like he is going back in time. He does not go out and has no connection with his old friends. Emails they send go unanswered. He regularly transfers money to help people he does not know. It is his money and these are not big sums in his overall picture, but he just sends money to help randoms. He goes very private, back into the past and mum. His life is slipping away and he was, until this other relationship, full of life. That ended two years ago and he seemed to get over it, but now he has gone into this odd place and no longer feels like dad. I am no relationship expert. Just trying to understand what is going on in his mind and how I can help him.

OP posts:
purplepie1 · 27/06/2026 19:56

Has he or would he go and speak to his gp.

I think his mental health has been affected by his last relationship. It sounds like he is grieving for the past.

NegativeSpace · 27/06/2026 20:00

He sounds a little depressed tbh. Not engaging in activities, isolating himself from friends, it does sound like depression tbh. What is he doing on social media exactly?
Playing the same music repeatedly is soothing in anxiety/depression sufferers because its predictable and comforting.
Do you think he would chat to the dr? There are lots of, easily treatable, underlying issues that could low level depression if you don’t feel the end of his relationship has caused it, low Vit D, anaemia, thyroid issues, low B12/folate etc, but it could just be that the end of this relationship has triggered him missing your mum and his old life again.

CherhillDown · 27/06/2026 20:59

I think that is true. We never understood what he saw in this lady. Like chalk and cheese, but something must have worked for him to trust her that much. She used him and came out of it very well, financially. That isn't the issue as much as the lack of trust and judgment on his part. I think it is guilt that has opened up the past. Like, what mum and dad had was a successful relationship, they did so much together and pushed their comfort zones. Then he falls for this lady that cheated on him and stole a lot of money.

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 27/06/2026 22:06

Have you actually told him you are concerned about him?

ShrubRose · 28/06/2026 00:01

A lot of what you describe makes me wonder if cognitive issues are involved.
He was competent enough with money to have a business - how was the GF able to steal from him?
I would make a list of the most important points you're observing, let the GP know in advance, get him in on the pretext of a wellness check and let the GP take it from there.

CuntOfTheLitter · 28/06/2026 06:08

Well something similar happened to my mum - she prided herself on being shrewd etc but ultimately lonely people are easy targets for those scum bags. She never recovered from the trauma if I’m honest and it kind of took away her faith in humans plus destroyed her confidence. I could never get her to go to counselling but that was exactly what she needed -
think your dad needs very gentle handling here, he sounds depressed.

SereneFinch · 28/06/2026 06:31

Did she actively steal from him or did she just manipulate him into constantly giving her money?

He’s obviously bruised by this experience and feels like he can’t be bothered anymore. Not necessarily depression but could become so.

CherhillDown · 28/06/2026 14:54

Thank you for your replies. They are great and echo my concerns. I have spoken with dad about mine for his mental health. I think depression, then he brushes it away and says he is going through a phase, which I suspect is trying to wash away the guilt of his failing with this other lady (GF as another poster put it) in more ways than one. His doctor is also a family friend and growing up we were close with them (all of them are in the medical world in some shape or form). His doctor's consensus is let him go through it and he will come back to normal soon. At least we are monitoring it. We have talked about powers of attorney in case dad loses his mental capacity, but he really is sharp as a pin on the financial side but struggles with Tech. He seems very down and distracted.

I want him to be bothered because he has so much to give. This is the issue. He could live another 30 years and that is a long time to sit down and think about the past. @SereneFinch she manipulated him into buying a house for her daughter. It was supposed to be an investment and soemwhere to life rent free so she can build up savings, but the property was registered in GF name as a gift. There were other transfers for her business which failed.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page