AIBU to feel worn down by my partner's temper over small things?

[Mac1724]

How do you deal with a short tempered partner as I feel like I’m getting to the end of my tether? For instance, we aren’t talking as he kicked off yet again. A jar of salsa fell out of the cupboard and smashed in the floor. His temper went from 1 to 10 saying it’s because I ram stuff in the cupboards! That was bad enough but then he noticed one of the slats on the blinds were loose, so lost it again! F-ing and blinding saying I break everything! It’s because I’m always opening the f*cking windows! Well, yes I do open the windows, but am I to blame for every damn thing that goes wrong. I’ve told him his short fuse isn’t normal and he needs help! AIBU?

My dad was like this for his whole life. He’s regulating by getting a woman to witness his anger. I would leave the room as soon as he stops behaving like an adult. I would probably leave him too. Neither of us are here for that.

What does he say about it once he calms down?

No way to live.

Why do you need to deal with it . He won’t / can’t change so you either ignore or leave him .

An adult controls their temper. He either can't or won't. Therefore why are you having anything to do with him? If he can't control himself he needs therapy. If he won't he needs to be kicked out of your life.

I have an XH that was just like that…..

Yanbu I'm like this although a lot better now im medicated and after decades of therapy. Put me in a serious situation I'm as cool as a cucumber the sort of person you want around in an emergency but the slightest inconvenience and I lose it.

I'm the same! I can deal with the most awful things going wrong, but if I kick the hoover and hurt myself I'm a ball of rage.

I had this - I put up with it for 14 years thinking it wasn’t big enough to leave. I left. I have never been calmer, happier or my home
more peaceful.

He's an arsehole.

You can't change him.

You CAN choose not to live like this.

Did you see your dad treat your mum like this?

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

in his head he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour towards you so will not get help. He would need years of therapy and even then it may not be successful. Pound to a penny he saw his father behave violently emotionally and or physically towards his mother, what if anything do you know about his family background?. Such men too hate women, ALL of them.

I would readily assume he does not treat his work colleagues with such outright contempt. Indeed , he’s likely all sweetness and light to those in the outside world like so many abusers are. They can be quite plausible to those in the outside world. It is behind closed doors their true nature emerges.

He now not talking to you is further punishment and an example of emotional abuse. Your relationship is over and needs to end asap. You and he should not be together.

What is the situation re the property and finances?. How can you extricate yourself from him?. Do you have family support?. Do contact Women’s aid as they can help you plan to leave safely. There is no good future for you in this relationship.

OP I couldn't live like that. Has he always been like this or has it got worse? Have you thought about leaving?

Thanks all for your comments. He doesn’t speak to me for a few hours afterwards, but then will start talking to me as if nothing’s happened. I find it really difficult to speak to him, but if I don’t he will just accuse me of being moody. Can’t win really.
its true his dad was very aggressive and so that’s obviously been learnt, but he does say he would never want to be like him. He’s not violent at all and has definitely mellowed as he’s got older (he’s now 62) but it’s just that short fuse of his that is spoiling things. I do think of leaving and I can afford to get a place of my own, but I am 60, and we have planned for the future, and I dread the thought of starting again. I’d really like to work on things if I can, but only if he is willing to acknowledge that he has a problem.

Does he kick off like that and get in a rage when he's at work or down the pub? No. Because there would be serious consequences for him if he did. But at home, he can get away with it because you tolerate it.

He's perfectly capable of managing his foul temper when he wants to. You might dread the thought of starting again, but is it really worth staying with him when you are walking on eggshells all the time waiting for him to explode?

You deal with it by leaving that bully.

His behaviour is completely unacceptable.