Utterly exhausted with shitshow family

[Felixfox]

I need to get this out somewhere because I feel like exploding. I am sick to death of being the mediator in my family. Just stopped did self harming because of argument with dh over screentime. He is constantly saying really insensitive things to my dc and although his heart is absolutely in the right place he just comes across as a total bastard. Ugh. I know that it isn’t my ‘job’ to take on this role but he just doesn’t seem to get that he can come across as a big scary man to dc and is totally blunt with them, inappropriately. Am utterly sick and tired of having to step in like I had to this evening. Dd was crying, they were yelling at each other, just a total shit show. How can I make t stop?!!!!i

Councelling.

Is he their dad?
It doesn't really matter if his "heart is in the right place" if he's bullying your children.

Yes he is their dad and yes you are right it feels like bullying. However just seen another post about a cancer diagnosis so feel that my problems are not really bad. Although all I want is my dc to feel loved at home. And listened to. And I don’t think they always do. Which is I can’t put up with.

Your issues are valid. Do something about them.

Just because other people have shit going on, it doesn’t make your shit suddenly easier to bear

He needs to change his ways, otherwise his future relationship with them is going to be difficult. Would he be willing to change his behaviour?

thank you for saying my feelings are valid. I actually really needed to hear that. I think he is capable of change. And I don’t think he has thought about his future relationship with them. That might give him a jolt. I guess I’m sad because the man I married 20 years ago would not have behaved like this.

Things change, people change. Are any of us the same person we were 20 years ago? Our experiences mould us

Unfortunately it sounds like his experiences have moulded him into someone not quite as pleasant as he could be

One of the biggest things you can do to help is listen to your DC and explain that this is not their fault. I spent years being told that my dad’s outbursts were my fault, and it affects my self esteem as well as our relationship even now

I’m so sorry anyone ever said that to you as a child. You are right it is important that they know this . Thank you. And actually, now, when I think about it, although his parents are lovely now, they were pretty brutal when he was a boy. That’s something I will think about. Btw I’m no saint, I sometimes finid myself screeching from the bottom of the stairs for dc to hurry up etc. I’m not judging him. This has helped me think about it from a different perspective though.