Partner at risk - unpredictable moods

[redundantlimbo]

Hello - as the title says my partner is very likely to be made redundant in the next few weeks. It’s been a long process due to major restructure.
He says he has resigned himself to the fact but his moods would say otherwise.
I do understand as I was also at risk but was lucky to maintain a role. For back ground -
we have also undergone buying and selling a house and another legal battle which hopefully will be resolved in the next few weeks.
So we have faced a lot of change and uncertainty in the last year.
My problem is my partners moods are swinging from ‘angry man’ to being incredulous that he hasn’t been snapped up/head hunted/ begged to take a role……
I am trying to give grace, be supportive and encourage, but it’s making me see things in a different lens. The arrogance, the belief he is always right, the have an answer for everything.
today it dawned on me I think he’s a little jealous that I got a role, I am being asked for advice and I also ‘know’ things.
I suppose my ask is has anyone found themselves in a similar situation and what did they do to support their partner. We are late 50’s so not the most desirable of candidates. ( I think that’s part of his realisation as well)

Hmmm I lived my entire childhood with a family member who was permanently livid, so there's no way I could live with an angry man.

I daresay there is some jealousy that you've kept your job and there's a fear of never finding more work. Is his fear grounded in reality, do you think?

I think that’s the lens im seeing - having an angry man in your house. My father was so lovely but the moods in my house growing up were dominated by my mother - and then my father would enable that. So I am aware I do not want that in my house or at this stage of my life. Maybe I’ve not noticed when’s he’s being working, as he is good at what he does, supports the team and enjoys work. This is not doing his mental health any good.

Potential Redundancy is one of the most stressful work scenarios that anyone can experience. Even when you're not directly affected the atmosphere at work is horrendously stressed because so many people are facing an uncertain future.

It sounds as if this has been a protracted process, too.
I think you just have to cut him some slack, here.

It sounds like you've both had a stressful time and now he is facing redundancy. For a lot of men, this can feel like more than losing a job - it's a blow to his confidence, his self-worth and his purpose in life. And he has the added indignity of you being kept on while he won't be. If he were my DH, I'd be trying to support him and reassure him that he's valued and that he will find something else.

I would probably try and be tolerant of his mood swings, unless he's being angry, shouting and aggressive. No matter what's going on in his life, that's never ok and you need to firmly tell him that you're not going to be his emotional punching bag. If it's really bad, would he consider some counselling?

Protracted redundancy consultations when you know damn well that your head is on the block but you have to keep on going through the motions if you want the payout, not being able to walk into another job to escape the unrelenting knowledge that you aren't wanted and knowing that they'll do anything to get out of making the payments, like offering a really shitty alternative (and wanting you to play the pick me game in the meantime so they get the maximum benefit from you for free out of emotional manipulation) is absolutely brutal.

DP just didn't get it. So months and months of uncertainty, piss taking, the soul destroying job search knowing that a new, shiny and fresh 23 year old is so much more appealing that employers will make up random shit that's completely inaccurate in order to avoid the fact that they're practising age discrimination can boil over into home life - it's already occupying supposed sleeping time, after all.

And then being worried and put upon and vulnerable and disregarded with a 'I'm too important to lose my job, all these people ask me for advice you know' can lead to an I AM NOT OK, whether overt or in attempts to reassure yourself that you do know what you're talking about and some anonymous HR person is just looking at ways to cut money whilst being fine themselves.

It's hard. Really hard.

They do re-shuffles to get rid of people that were't giving their all at work.
I would imagine that work have seen his moods, lack of dedication and decided that he no longer needs to be employed.
Maybe you are too nice.