Struggling with my ex after she missed our daughter's school award

[Dadto3girls]

Recently split with my ex partner 6 months ago and things have been really tense we were together for 11 years. My middle daughter had an award at school on monday my ex told me she would be there so I show up for my daughter and my ex was no where to be seen we are going throw no contact as phones aren't safe to use atm throw calls being recorded so i just went to my old house that we both own in joint names to ask why she didn't show up she told me she forgot but she did not forget when i turned up she prioritized a man over our child this is all new to men and I'm finding it difficult to watch her actions change alot.

Its good that you want to advocate for your child but if you are no longer together you don't get to tell her what to do (or even if you were still together)
Your child will eventually see if her mother doen't care about her and is indeed "prioritising a man" but all you can do is be the best parent you can.

Agree with the post above. Keep supporting and prioritising your child. The main thing is she knows that you were there to see her get her award. Going to your exs home to discuss this regardless of it being jointly owned was not necessary particularly as it sounds as though you did so to avoid being recorded via a phone. The best thing for your child is not to put yourself in a situation where there is likely to be conflict between you and the other parent.

Mmm - I’d be interested in her side of things. Going ‘no contact’ and then you rocking up at her house doesn’t feel like you are following the no contact rules.

what she does in her spare time is not your business. She can prioritise whatever she likes. You turned up - gold star. Well done.
let her make her own decisions.

It is very sad for your daughter that she was not there.

However your ex is not accountable to you. You had no right to call to her house and ask why she did not attend.

Why are you concerned that she is recording phonecalls? If you are doing nothing wrong then it should not be an issue.

Yeah I understand that were not together anymore and she's free to do what she likes and that's life just what happens. Think it's just the shock that the old version would never do that. I had contact throw her mum and my mum but she's been bypassing them and trying to contact me. My parents are away this weekend so I needed so help it was a mistake on my part to turn up at the house. I'm not concerned about calls or texts am just choosing not to engage anymore with her alone

The old version? When in a relationship with you you mean? One would hope she’d not be seeing anyone else but she is literally not your business now.
please do not weaponise this with your kids.

Yeah the way she used to be in the relationship always showing up too. It's fine I didn't say anything to her about it our my daughter I know my ex's choices are none of my business now it's just sad.

What are the contact arrangements with the children?

Just do what you think is right for you and let your ex do her thing, no point getting mad. Your dc will be aware and pleased you were there. I’m from the other perspective, sm, and I’ve picked up many pieces because dsds mum was “too busy” dsd is very aware and grateful

If she's unreliable, she's unreliable. You can't do anything about that. Be reliable for your children and if you have concerns about the quality of the care they receive when they're with her, then go to court if necessary to requrest full custody.

Yeah thanks for the advice I see the girls on a Tuesday Thursday and every second weekend just now I always show up for the girls and that's all i can do.

You only went because she was going? You didn’t go just to support your child?

Maybe she’s sick of always having to be the one to take time off work etc to go to school and she wanted you to do this one

So your daughters are with their mum more than 50% of the tinem? It's a pity she's not turned up for this event but frankly, we've all made this mistake and if she's present most of the time, then it's between her and them. I forgot one of DS' school events once... I felt bad. He used it to blackmail me into getting a new cat!

This sounds a bit performative tbh. You have the kids what, 4 nights a fortnight? Easy to show up for them when you don’t have them a lot. Single parenting 3 kids mostly on your own must be exhausting for your ex, what are you doing to make her life easier? Are you financially supporting the children? You were bang out of order showing up to your ex’s house having a go at her because she forgot something when it sounds like she does almost everything else for them. If she’s that awful of a mother why don’t you have them full time?

I don’t understand why you went to your XW home when she didn’t show up for the school event.

It really isn’t any of your business what her reasons were. It looks like you only went because you thought you might see her.

Yes I pay for my kids I also work Monday to Friday her old shifts she worked more now she works just 2 two shifts at night on the week nights I have the girls. I didn't have a go I asked if we could have a conversation about our children it was calm I take my kids every opportunity i just feel that she knew about the event because it was at 9am and had taken our kids to school i could see my daughter watching for her tbh i was just disappointed. The school is 5 mins away from the house but I understand it's not my business I was also a very hands on dad for 11 years and it's not been easy and I also know my ex is struggling also and I do have compassion for her in a co parenting sense.

That's not much. She may think she sees the kids far more than you so her missing one award isn't that big of a deal.

It’s quite typical for only one parent to show up to these things. I assume you are a man? At our school, it’s just a sea of mums at these sort of events. No dads to be seen. Great you’re turning up though.

It’s not okay for her to tell your dd that she’d be there and not turn up, but that is between them, not you. If this is a pattern, your daughter will know. Just be the best parent you can be and stay focused on that.

What isn’t okay though is turning up to her house about this. If she’s recording your calls, then it indicates she feels threatened. Your behaviour kinda screams threatening and controlling here. Stick to a parenting app for communication and leave her be. If she wants to make poor choices, no amount of threats from you is going to change that, but behaviour like this will work against you in court because it screams controlling. Stick to your lane and put your child first.