Relationships, Menopause and life

[Roadtonowhere365]

Hi All.

Just wanting some advice or reassurance, I’m not sure.

DH has knocked me for six this morning with a comment regarding our sex life and our relationship in general it feels. We haven’t done the deed in 3 weeks. Since being sterilised my periods can last between 1-2 weeks whereas previously I was on the injection so didn’t have any. I’ve always been icky about doing it during my monthly’s. On top of that the heat has been unbearable so no one has slept properly. I have two children, both with additional needs, that don’t sleep and like to constantly come in our bedroom for an array of different things, so I don’t feel we get the privacy.

He’s basically gone on to say, it’s done for and dead. I told him I couldn’t help the length of my monthly cycles.

I feel like utter crap and like our relationship is only built on that intimacy and because we struggle to have it, that we’re done. We’ve been together for over 10 years and married for just as long.

I genuinely thought that we had a loving relationship, that was built on something strong but clearly it’s only measured by how much I actually put out

Feeling so fed up as he knows I’ve just gone through a really shitty time too and was literally at rock bottom during those 3 weeks

I would bet a lot that something is brewing in the background with someone else.

Before all this… can you honestly say you were happy and that this was a loving happy healthy marriage? I think if you pause and consider this question - tpu very much see that it wasn’t

When I was married, I had plenty of legitimate reasons to not be in the mood for sex; pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, knackered from children/work, UTIs, periods, gynae problems, contraceptive issues. I eventually realised my husband was the problem. Now I am with somebody new and there is nothing that can’t be overcome because I actually want to have sex with him. Might this be the same for you? You have a long list of excuses too. If you just don’t want it anymore then perhaps your dh has a point?

I have the same problem with my partner, he has ED, not his fault but doesn’t seem particularly interested in doing anything about it. It’s not the actual lack of penetrative sex that hurts me, it’s the lack of interest in any intimacy.

What exactly did he say? Surely he's not saying your marriage is over because you haven't had sex in 3 weeks!?

Before this occasion of no sex for 3 weeks. How often do you have it?